I must have submitted too early last night because I thought I had written a lot more.
I woke up yesterday morning just frustrated and decided to pack the car and head to the mountains with the boys.... first solo road trip ever and first time with 3 kids it was a long 10 hour drive and I shed a few tears when everyone was sleeping because I partly was like WTF was I thinking driving 10 hours alone and going through the mountains alone with no cell service. But we made it here around midnight and we survived and had many laughs so it was worth it.
I didn't ask H permission to take the kids. I called him said he boys will be gone until Wednesday that we were going to my grandmothers. He said ok. Bye and that was that. My dad hadn't heard from me and couldn't get in touch with me and was worried because it was like 1130 so he asked H for my grandmothers number. Do you think H ever reached out? Nope. That was a little wake up call that he doesn't care about me or the kids right now. He did have the time to text my grandma about us coming up.
He then sent me a text at 2 asking if we made it. I just replied yes. That was it. My grandma and my father said this should be the wake up call that I need that he's not that man. He's not my hero and he doesn't have a conscience nor care about us. It's true. But ouch.
Anyway we're going to make the most of our time here. This is the first time we've come here without H. This is something we do every summer so it's kind of sad to do all these things we normally do together alone.
I will say after driving and doing this alone I know I can do anything. My parents said H doesn't have to worry about the kids because he knows I can do anything. That he neeeds a woman that's inferior to him so he can feel like a big man and that I'm not that person. Unfortunately lately I have been submissive and meek. But I will get back to who I was.
My girlfriend text me yesterday and summed it up perfectly.
Shame on him, ultimately it is HIS loss and something he will have to live the rest of his life with. I feel sad for him that for the rest of his life he will never know happiness like he had. He will continue to search for external happiness and it's sad to know he will never be truly happy.
I struggle with my dad playing nice at the house with H. My dad said they were talking about our plans he excited the kids were etc. I am pretty frustrated because I asked my dad not to share this info with him. You know my dad had that long talk and told him how things would be but he's not standing by what he said. It's hard for me not to be upset about it. I feel like he's condoning H's actions. Like you're disrespecting my daughter but let's talk like normal and hang out like we would when her and the kids are gone. I am not sure how to let that go. I just want someone to stick up for me not with words but with actions. My H is still talking with my uncle. I mean why should he question anything when everything is the same except he doesn't have to talk to me or be my husband.
