normally I'd agree with Dale, but you have been apart for 3 years. That is a long, long time to be without any romantic love or intimacy...
You also say your h did not believe that this was an affair and that you have been separated all that time, and that it won't end soon. Which is probably true.
As for your son - I don't think you dating necessarily means bringing OM into your son's life anytime soon. You can control that. So Cross that bridge when you get to it.
(And don't rule out that you could someday model a much healthier M with a committed OM than your son is seeing now. Just saying.)
As for the DB efforts, there is a school of thought that suggests the best/only way your h may realize he'd lose you, is by fearing he's losing you to OM.
That^^ raises the issue of you "using" Om - but you can simply be honest about where you are emotionally, and see where it goes.
*Oh, and you can change your mind*.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
