Not sure what I have

[Guzzard]

Thanks, I waited to reply this morning and just stuck to the facts - I'll be out so W can leave stuff or we can reschedule. No, she can't get in the house. I won't / haven't said anything about the health issues.

GAL'ing this morning, some work to do this afternoon, hoping a friend will come by later today. Tomorrow is GAL in the morning. At some point I have to work on some divorce paperwork which is going to be sad. I should go shopping which is my least favorite thing to try on some new clothes as I have lost a bit of weight with lots of exercise and better eating. I am happy about that at least.

The weekends are very hard as more often than not W and I would be doing things together. Some of my GAL is stuff I like and W adopted to do with me, so trying to reclaim those as my own has been hard. I am doing other GAL that is new to me so its not something we shared.

I miss her and our fun times. I don't miss feeling that she wasn't there with me and she was emotionally attached in real or fantasy with old OM....the fact is, she isn't here now and doesn't really care or value me or the M enough to be here.

I have to keep working on detaching. Right now, I'd by lying if I didn't want her next email to say "oh, I was hoping to see you" though seeing her would be a further setback for me anyway.

She's no words and no actions and continues to be all about her. It is frustrating because she is appearing helpless and forgetful about items for D, but the rest of her life she appears 100% functional. One's real and one's a fake...which one. I can't know.