hmm, I do get a tad nervous when you post nothing.
Just quickly make a face
or
to Let us know you're alright.
And hang in there
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Sorry, wasn't ignoring you all. Thank you for your concern.
Really just needed to take a break from here, and well everything really.
I am not feeling I am a good DB'er and really feel very frustrated and hurt with my life and what it's become. I want to scream at the top of my lungs about what he's doing and that it's not fair (yes I know life isn't fair) but I am a good person and took my vows seriously for better or WORSE. I've supported him through good and bad and this is how I am repayed... he treats strangers with more respect than he treats me. I get it, everyone here gets treated like this. I am just angry, hurt, sad, frustrated, etc. My boys don't deserve to be put through this a second time and our new baby doesn't deserve this either. I just wish he could be a different person. I see him texting 200-300 messages a day with these women that haven't given him 3 children, haven't slept next to him for 13 years, haven't seen him through the good, bad, ugly etc. He hasn't seen some of these women for 14 years, the other women he hasn't know for more than a few months yet I'm so easily replaced. EFF HIM!
Anyway, so yeah there's my poor me. I'm still here.
Thank you all for worrying about me. I hope that I will get past this one day and accept that this is my life. I don't want to be here.
Your feelings are 100% valid, T. Feeling them is part of the process of eventually feeling better. Don't fight them, but also don't act upon them.
Also, fully accept the idea that H is no longer an appropriate person to be venting your most private thoughts and feelings, too. Let your family and friends (and DBers) pick up the slack.
Your new mantra is "I can feel however I feel, but I can choose my actions."
I'm sorry that you have to go through all this. Just try to trust us that you still have a happy life full of love ahead of you. H is not the end all be all, and he doesn't determine your worth.
T, read through Blu's thread again and don't you dare beat yourself up. This is not because you are bad at DB or anything you did over the last couple of months. I want to hear you say aloud ten times right now "I did not cause this. This is not my fault." She said she was a terrible DBer and doesn't think that is why he came back.
In the end, I think whether they come back has more to do with them internally and the random chance of how and when things happen for them.
To get your mind off all of this and to remind yourself that very little in life is a result of careful planning and execution, read the Malcolm Gladwell book The Tipping Point.
T, When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was check to see if you had checked in. I'm so glad you did. It's amazing how much we grow to care for each other in this forum.
When I read your post, I just cried. It's pouring down rain outside, and I just had a little sad party for all of us who feel like you do. Believe me when I tell you, you are not alone in feeling like you've been dealt a crappy hand.
Here's the thing though. We can either choose to keep crying, or we can have a good, cleansing one, then put on our high heels and get back in the arena, building a better life for ourselves, even if we don't feel like it. I feel sad today too. And that's OK. For a rainy day like today. But at some point I have to choose not to let that sad become my normal. We CAN'T allow our Hs to take up this much space in who we are. We are so much more than that. We've been kicked in the teeth, but we are still OK. We are going to be fine, even better than fine. So let's take some deep breaths, and dig deep, and find some gratitude. I'm going to start with being thankful for the community of friends and support we have built on this forum, and the people that care enough to hound us until we check back in.
BIG HUGS to you today. We got this.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
I want to scream at the top of my lungs about what he's doing and that it's not fair (yes I know life isn't fair) but I am a good person and took my vows seriously for better or WORSE. I've supported him through good and bad and this is how I am repayed...
Hi T384, Know that you are not alone. My feelings are similar. I stuck with my W through a number of challenges and she left. I, too, took our commitment to each other seriously. Though not religious, the commitment we made was to each other and support each other in good times and bad. I agree with you, it's very frustrating and hurtful. I don't really look at it as being repayed, I loved unconditionally and W didn't, perhaps didn't at all. I thought we had it, but if not, then I need to find someone else anyway. I feel for you with children and how hard that must be. Know you are not alone though.
Me: 47 W: 44 M: 3 yrs; 10 years together D (Hers): 2000 BD: 06/01/2017 S: 06/01/2017
it's rainy here today and this morning the ONLY reason I got out of bed was for coffee.
The ONLY reason I went outside in this dreary day is b/c I have a dog who insists...
had a gross dream about OW (and in my dream I was sort of warning her and also blaming her).
Ugh...
I make forward steps and then SLIDE BACK...and time marches on. I don't want to wake up at age 60 and still wonder what happened to my life.
No more "waiting" for h to finish training/come home from work/have free time/wake up/change/return.
So I'm making a short list of goals and adding structure to my life. That is what I need.
You, T3, have plenty of "to do" things on your list so in a way I envy your activity level & very much envy that you have your children around. You are overtly needed by most of the people in your life.
AND you may feel trapped or limited with 3 small ones, which I also understand.
Ultimately, you will arrive at a crossroads, and you'll have to choose to move forward or not to.
If you choose to move forward, some of your thought patterns will need changing, and that won't be immediate or consistent, but it will lead you to a better path.
You are not alone on this path.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
