MLC, thanks. Really, thanks for taking the time because I know after I kinda called you out that it really woulda been completely reasonable for you to just avoid my threads. So thanks for sticking around. I did overlook the compliment in your previous post... so, thanks.
Difficult evening tonight. Getting ready for bed (our stuff is both still in the MBR) she wanted to talk, so I said "okay, talk". I pretty much just listened. Nutshell-- she says she missed talking to me the past four days, that she felt cut off and shunned, but that she understood how i felt. She says that she had done alot of thinking Sunday and Monday and that she didn't like the pain she was causing, to me, to herself, potentially to the kids and, (she said she knows this is hard for me to hear) to the OM. She also said that those feelings had been growing in her the past few weeks. She said she wanted to break off contact with OM so she could "get things figured out" with us. She said she understands my hurt and anger (I have barely spoken to her for past 5 days and have several times told her "I don't want to be around you or talk to you right now") and that if I need to be on my own now for a while she understands... but that she intends to keep out of contact with OM (Who she says she called Monday to say she couldn't continue the relationship.) She said again that she "effed up big time" by staying in contact with OM, but she continues to say that it was not continuous... that it had been getting progressively less and less, and that the last week leading up to this past Sunday she had "not even intended to contact him at all, and that the straight talk phone she got was only to talk to her bff. This latter, she said,due to bff being pretty much in hiding (absolutely true, btw) from alot of our circle of friends who are very very angry with her after it was revealed that HER (bff's) A with one of our other friends had NOT stopped but had in fact been ongoing or rekindled (depending on who you talk to), continuing the betrayal of MY bff who is playing the role of pushover/enabler in that relationship. [whew!] She (W) says that she doesn't know why she contacted OM again on that phone, just that she found herself doing so and once she did it became easier and easier and she hadn[t even realized how many times she had been in contact with him until i confronted her about phone and she started recounting.
Anyhoo, she says she now wants to try to work on our issues, that she knows I probably don't feel like doing so right now, that [again] she is "sorry she hurt and betrayed me", that she "understands" why I would not trust her and why I would feel disrespected and betrayed. She said she did not "harbor any anger" towards me anymore about my neglect of her (although she says she did initially in all of this) although it still does frustrate her that the issue of the A/OM seems to overshadow everything else even though she suffered alot and is still in alot of turmoil. (Though she says she "owns that" and realizes she "brought alot of that on herself".)
Finally, she says she would let me track her phone, and would keep her phone unlocked and let me look at it anytime. The burner phone she says she pitched she also says she kept no paperwork or account info for for me to confirm it was gone and that she couldn't remember the number having only had it one week. I reminded her that she had also used phone to contact bff and that bff would surely have the phone number , to which she responded she would "try to get it". (We'll see.) She promised not to install any extra messaging apps and to let me look at her app store and keep phone unlocked to be sure. I said little but did mention that a call to OM would have been alot more meaningful had she done it in my presence and that maybe another call would be in order. She said she had thought of that but that it was very hard for her to hurt other people and that she really didn't want to have to do that again AND that she thought doing so would make her want to call him again after that to make sure he was okay. She also said she was afraid of how ugly the conversation might get if both he and i were on phone together. She basically begged not to have to do so and described in pretty significant detail how she says that conversation went.
And that was pretty much it. A few comments like "sometimes I wonder why you still want me" and such, but nothing earthshattering. At the end she asked if I wanted her to leave (we had both sat down on the MBR bed while she talked) and I said "no, I'm actually going to take the Guest Bed tonight because I like the new mattress in there (very true, actually--the MBR mattress is, no kidding, 25 years old), I sleep better on it, and my neck is sore tonight (also both true). Not to mention the MBR bed is trashed again. Prolly looked a little weak by not claiming the MBR but I hopefully saved the sitch by "claiming" the new mattress and, TBH, my neck (I have a fusion at C7) is really biting me tonight and I hate to have my Saturday's ruined by neck or back pain.
So that's where we are. A couple bigger crumbs thrown at me by W, but her resistance to calling the OM a second time is obviously troubling, and any attempt to do so after tonight would basically be worthless as any kind of barometer since, if she is obfuscating, she will simply be able to contact OM and stage a response.
In sum, don't really see that we are in all that different a position than we were previously, though good to see that my silent treatment has been having an affect.There were quite a few tears but, of course, that's one of a woman's greatest weapons
And let me just add that I am reporting all of this in the spirit of providing "factual background". I am not trying to make any editorial statement nor am I taking any position on the factual or emotional veracity of my W's statements here. This is just "what she is saying now".
BTW, line dancing tonight alot of fun. Stayed out a little later than I intended. kinda surprised W was still up when i came in.
Last edited by Cadet; 07/28/1707:49 PM. Reason: Combine posts
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
, to which she responded she would "try to get it". (We'll see.) 
She promised not to install any extra messaging apps and to let me look at her app store and keep phone unlocked to be sure. I said little but did mention that a call to OM would have been alot more meaningful had she done it in my presence and that maybe another call would be in order. She said she had thought of that but that it was very hard for her to hurt other people and that she really didn't want to have to do that again AND that she thought doing so would make her want to call him again after that to make sure he was okay. She also said she was afraid of how ugly the conversation might get if both he and i were on phone together. She basically begged not to have to do so and described in pretty significant detail how she says that conversation went.
