WAS wanting to move across the world - help

[whywhy]

Hi leahsue,

Thanks for the comments. Yes, it is difficult as she seems to look so well (& beautiful) and is going out every night (though we have agreed to remain monogamous over the next few months - but I do have a concern for an EA).

Your idea for the facetime calls is really interesting. You are right, I have a down after the calls, but it also does me good to see her. And, I always answer with a smile and tell her everything's wonderful here, so I think that 180 may be worth the pain of the drop after the call.

I still don't understand how my life became this overnight!

[TBSakaJ9]

You can do it!!!!!!!!!

[whywhy]

Thanks Joseph9 - I did do it!!!

There was a little bit of R talk, but nothing too heavy and I kept it light and we had a lovely evening.

They are back tomorrow with other friends, so let's see how that goes. Feeling stronger after that!

[TBSakaJ9]

Good for you.....now go to the gym, life some weights or whatever gets you motivated and feeling confident then do the same thing again!! Keep it light, your doing well, looking good, feeling good, nothing going to keep me down! No heavy talks of your R! Your the man you can do this!

[whywhy]

Thanks Joseph9 - really helps to have some supportive words and motivation from here.

Heading out to the gym in a couple of hours with the kids and then looking forward to all the guests coming round and having the house filled with noise and laughter!

[whywhy]

So, there was a nice video chat with the kids this morning and she kept asking me how I am. She also looked really down, but I didn't say anything about that, just said I'm good and kept it short.

I had to sign the kids up for something that needed her approval (I want all financial decisions to be joint). It was quite late there, but I messaged her and asked to talk. She kept avoiding talking and just kept messaging with odd comments like "do what you think best, I trust you", etc.
I felt something odd, so facetimed - she answered from a bar at like 1am there.
She then called me back a few minutes later to tell me that she was out with 2 girlfriends.
I just said that I was sorry I bothered her and next time just to text me she's out and we can speak the following day.

Why is it bothering me so much??????????? I'm not saying anything to her, but it bugs the hell out of me.
I know she can do what she wants and we did make an agreement that we would stay monogamous, but I do think there's an EA developing.
I'm here with 3 kids and she's in partytown!

[whywhy]

Sorry, that was an angry rant. But, I'll tell you guys what is killing me. I miss talking to my best friend (her). I miss hearing about her day and listening and I miss telling her about mine (though usually I would listen). That's what I miss.

How did my best friend, lover, partner and wife become someone who looks at me with cold eyes on the verge of disgust??

Should I try to "engineer" going out so that she hears about it?

[Btrow]

Why do you facetime? You don't have a device that sends text?

If she lets you decide whats best for the kids then just text her ok, I'll do this and that. Period. Thats what a strong, independant guy does.

The other stuff seems a bit like pursuit..

[Btrow]

Don't worry about the shark eyes. That's probably just some defence mechanism.

And yes you should go out. Easy to engineer when you're in the same house. Remember to have the bathroom stink of your new great expensive cologne for the remainder of the evening.

[whywhy]

Thanks Btrow - maybe it does smell a bit like pursuit, should have thought it through more. I definitely didn't need to facetime that time, it was just because I wanted to see where she was as she was being so evasive and out of character on the texts.

Anyway, had friends round to the house with their kids (mutual friends of both of ours, including the woman who is very close to her again).

Kids had a great time. It was a little awkward as the women, who are both friends with my wife and in her "texting circle", were clearly uncomfortable around me which made me feel awful.

I kept a smile up and made sure everyone had drinks and food, perfect host. The kids had a great time.

And now, the down of the evening, all alone as the kids go to bed.

I'm not having a great weekend.

I'm struggling not to call her up and tell her I miss her. I know I won't and can't, but the urge is really there.

I'm going to trust the advice of others here that this does get better, because I really aint seeing that so far!