WAW, is there hope?

[25yearsmlc]

KGuy


You wrote a lot. Um, I'll be brief for now (relatively).

I don't think this is all your fault and did not say that. I just felt that your first post was a lot about how you were a victim. And blaming the weaning as the big factor.

She has other children, and one prior divorce, so are you saying that unless she is pregnant or nursing a baby, she's too difficult?

Also, while I said that marriage is not a war, your response was "but divorce is war".

Though we could debate that, my point was about the marriage, not the divorce. Inside your marriage, prior to this divorce filing, you two have had a stormy relationship.

There does seem to have been a power struggle, and a lot of score keeping.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. When did she pass away? Do you have siblings?

And though I love hearing about peaceful marriages, sometimes I wonder about couples who "never" fight in front of the kids,

it does make me wonder how they did resolve conflicts. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not doubting you or them).

But since Every couple has conflict, it's possible that you are so unused to seeing people with different opinions who feel strong emotions, stay and work through it,

so that it's foreign to you. When you say they had a Christian marriage, what does that mean to you?

(I'm a believer, so it's not a challenge for me to ask. I just want you to define the terms).

As for feeling powerless to change the dynamic, I don't agree. You are not powerless. This relationship has two people in it.

When one person changes how they behave or interact, the relationship changes by definition. Seriously.

Here are some random thoughts...

The houses and DIY projects are stressful. ( I know this from personal experience.)

If they seem endless, it starts to feel hopeless. It wears on you.

And the chaos of small children

(I love kids, and I'm one of 9, so please don't misunderstand that)

is a lot. Sorry I may have missed it but is your wife a stay at home mom? That means no get away time,

so That is a lot of time to be in noise and chaos and see no end in sight to the house issues.
it's very classic scenario for tempers flaring.

Before you say that you too felt unheard, listen to yourself and see how unproductive the score keeping is. In your MC you report that you made more changes than she did or that she'd stop, etc.

Fundamentally speaking, what is the problem?

Not about the fight or the chores, but about respect and blending the families and sharing the same values and effectively acting as a team.

Can you look at those^^ without assigning blame?

Might be helpful.

PS Just so you know, I'm a lawyer. But a nice person.

I have to admit I struggle not to dislike my h's lawyer. It's hard to know who is directing what, however. Very odd sensation for me. Not good.