My wife says she wants to fix things. Its only been a week but so far, she talks the talk but does not walk the walk. We agreed to kiss goodnight.... I have to do that. I started to give her an occasional cuddle.... she no longer recoils but it is still me giving her a cuddle.etc etc ask specifically for some reciprocity. Not you "demanding" it, in a robot way, but that you need to feel desired.
My biggest problem is that after so long of having zero intimacy and believing that I "fancy the pants off of her", I made a decision to separate. In our discussion I backed down and promised to give her a chance (I am an honourable man so I will and throw body and soul into it).....but I don't know that I want her to succeed..... how do you know if you have fallen out of love with someone ?.... Over the years, the phrase "fallen in/out of love" has often struck me as...well...lacking choice. And I think love is always, at least partly, a choice. An act of will.
We choose to love our spouses (and our children for that matter), even when they are not behaving in a lovable way. Even when we don't "feel" loving. God knows you have been choosing to stay m to this woman for some time. I'm betting you had reasons other than fear.
Perhaps your w sensed a shift in you and the distance woke her up. I don't know. Just my gut says you have a wife who is willing to work on exactly what you say bothers you in the m. Most people here would give anything to be in your shoes.
is it that I have been so scared I can't trust her ? or have I mentally moved on ?
That's what I mean re : masturbation.... in all of the bad times I just "manned up" and sorted my self out. Not ideal but it is a coping strategy.....now I'm lost. Probably I should "man up" again.... I promised to give her a chance so I must............but what if this is a waste of time and I don't want what she may be able to give me ?
how would this^^^ be any different from committing to another woman? Every relationship we enter could be a "waste of time".
As for what "She may be able to give me", well, I don't know specifically what you mean, but you know it was once satisfying to you.
But it also sounds as if the expectations were created so that it had be "very very varied" and "adventurous." That is a lot to keep up.
What about just "lovingly coupling"? Yes I mean have sex, but perhaps not at quite so high a bar.
Just a thought.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
