My biggest problem is that after so long of having zero intimacy and believing that I "fancy the pants off of her", I made a decision to separate. In our discussion I backed down and promised to give her a chance (I am an honourable man so I will and throw body and soul into it).....but I don't know that I want her to succeed..... how do you know if you have fallen out of love with someone ?.... is it that I have been so scared I can't trust her ? or have I mentally moved on ?
Well regarding falling out of love -- you didn't used to feel about her the way you feel now, so that should prove to you that feelings can change.
You should definitely use a telephone coach to help you navigate this, it's important to have reasonable expectations about turning things around.
One thing that can be helpful is to have a non-escalation agreement. What that means is that you will mirror what your W does, but you won't try to take things up a level. If she kisses you, you'll kiss her back, if she hugs you, you'll hug her back. That way she can work on building up intimacy without fearing that she's going to unleash a dragon.
There are many things like that you can do, and getting help is going to make a big difference.
You do need to be clear, however, that if she agrees to something you expect her to either follow through, or raise a conversation with you if she changes her mind so you can talk about it, but that just not following through without a word isn't going to work for you.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
