Originally Posted By: parkema

For me as anybody knows who’s been keeping up with my sitch a successful resolution would be for my WW and I to reconcile


Here's a bit of a wakeup call Park. Have you read any of the piecing threads? 25? TXHubby? Blu? Storm? Are they and their spouses skipping off into the sunset hand-in-hand? The reality is "getting them back" isn't all it's cracked up to be, especially after an affair. It's almost impossible to rebuilt trust, and the WAS will not just go back to normal, they are not who they were before and never will be again. So in many ways it's trying to build a relationship with a new person, one that's already proven you can't trust them. Obviously the whole purpose of DBing is to save your M, but the reality is you should be trying to save yourself, the M is secondary. If you emerge from this a stronger, better, more independent you then that's a successful resolution. And THAT you is going to have an amazing relationship, maybe with your W or maybe with someone new.

Quote:
BUT her R with the AP/LO seems to be getting stronger and stronger. This is very disheartening and wonder if anybody else has noticed this cycle BUT still resulted in reconciliation and piecing of their M?


Yes. Some of the personal stories I heard at Retrouvaille were astonishing. Marriages rebuilt after impossible circumstances.

Quote:
I have now started looking at myself and where I feel have caused our M to break down.


That's all some very good introspection. Nicely done on that list. Now take that and learn from it. Don't look at yourself as a failure, none of us got "husband" lessons before getting married. We can't change what we did or didn't do, but we can learn from it and become better H's for this woman or the next.

Quote:
I continue to:
• Have NC except the drop-off and pick-up times. I never email, text or call unless absolutely necessary (emergencies).
• Work on me physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.
• Smile, basically at EVERY opportunity I emit a friendly, warm welcoming and confident individual who’s happy in his own skin. I will continue to be a safe place for my WW if and when she needs it but don’t see this happening any time soon.
• GAL especially with my children, I walk well hike now a lot and continue to play football every week. Everything else revolves around the boys.


Great stuff, keep it up!

Quote:
I’m feeling defeated and see no positivity in my situation but know this is not going to happen overnight and patients is key BUT without signs of some kind of improvement I feel totally deflated.


But YOU are improving. Hopefully you'll get your W back someday, but DBing is about you, becoming the best you that you can be and in the process, at some point you'll stop needing your W. You may still -want- her, but you won't -need- her. You'll get there, just give yourself time.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57