Got the BD last week by WAW /WW seeking guidance

[sandi2]

She complained about something needed to be done around the house and told me that I should have done it if I wanted to show her that I am serious

Oh wow, she's full of herself, isn't she? Part of it comes from her sense of entitlement, and the other is b/c you told her you were going to improve........and she took it to mean that it included you catering to whatever made her feel better. It's just warming up, so fasten your seat belt.

There was some disrespect happening in her conversations at work. So I took her to the side and told her it needs to stop right away. She went on and on justifying it and I listened, when she was done I told her again it needs to stop. She has complied so far since then.

Good for you!

Definitely not sick of you talking about it because I need all the knowledge I can get. I can now see the resentment builtup over the years and I understand where she is coming from. I have decided not to have any R talks or D talks, but there is something else you should know. I think she may have seen my notes on my phone when I was sleeping. There was a list including no R talks No OM talks in plain words not abbrevated also included my gym goal, among other things in a point format. No mention of my source for the knowledge. How bad is that if she has seen it.

Well, she was suspicious b/c you have been saying and doing things that are different from your norm. So now, she has peeked inside your toolbox. She may try to make fun of your notes, or find out where you are getting this stuff. You cannot allow her to see what you are posting. Keep your phone close to your chest. I bet she doesn't leave hers out for you to examine. If she asks questions about something (you're pretty sure she read on your phone), just say something like, "Why the sudden interest"? Learn to answer her nosy questions by turning it back around for your answer. Don't do it every time, b/c sometimes you can say nothing....and just give her a look, shake your head and say under your breath, "Incredible", and then walk away from her (or turn around to do something else). Sometimes, you don't say anything to her stupid, inquirring remarks......you give her a look as if you were observing a jealous little girl.......and give a little grin, as if you find it amusing that she's asking questions about what, where, when, and who. Are following what I am saying?

I doubt she'll say she looked at your phone, but if she does then say something like, "I guess that means I get a look at your phone, too". You probably won't get that chance......but my point is don't feel as if you have to "explain" anything to her. That is a bad habit a lot of H with the NGS have, and it's hard for them to break.

She is going away to see her family overseas with S9 for 3 weeks. She plans to discuss D with her family when she is there. Also her birthday is approaching while she is with her parents. Do I send her a message or ignore it. I dont know if she would have given her parents the news by then.

She is going to tell her parents in her own way, which means she'll probably make it sound as if it's all your fault. There isn't much you can do about it, b/c they live away and that's their D.....so they will believe how they want. If they talk directly to you, be honest with them. However, if they do not contact you, don't try to make it your mission to convince your in-laws you aren't the bad guy in this mess. While she is there with them, I suggest you contact S9 as often as you can. If you have to go through her or her parents to talk to him.....so be it, but don't do it as a means of talking to your W. In fact, avoid conversations with her.

Don't worry about your W's birthday, and don't worry about what her parents may think. I realize that may be difficult, but it will send her the message that she can't cheat on you and expect to receive birthday cars, calls, texts, or gifts. Trust me, if you break down and cave.......it will only add to her disgust, b/c she knows if the tables were reversed.....she would not be catering to your birthday. She is trying to dump you! What would you have done in your dating years if a girl had dumped you and had a birthday? I doubt you would have felt pressured to recognize the day, or rush out to buy a gift. I doubt you would have felt guilty for ignoring the whole experience. Am I right? Well, your W has done much worse, and now she is going to watch how far up her a$$ you try to get. My advice is to act as if you are enjoying life without her too much to spend any time showing interest for a woman who has betrayed you......and has no desire in ending her A. This may sound as if I am saying to act as if you are punishing her. No, act as if you are moving on, and that you deserve better. Your heart will want to prove to her what a big sucker you are........but I promise if you do what your emotions want.......you will only shove her further away. Counterintuitive? Absolutely!

During her 3 weeks absence, enjoy yourself. Do things you haven't done since she's been in your life. Find new hobbies, go to new places, whatever you feel like doing. Do not lay around the house and throw pity parties. You can throw a party......just not the pity types. Have your buddies over and grill, watch sports, drink beer, tell jokes.........and whatever you guys like to do when there's no women around. Get in touch with your masculine self. By the time she returns, your confidence should be in better shape, and hopefully, the three weeks she's gone will help.

Btw, if W should call while you are out, or while you have people over, playing music.....whatever......that's okay, too. . Sound upbeat and happy when you answer the phone.........not happy b/c she is calling....but happy that says you are enjoying yourself. Remember what I said about giving vague answers to her nosy questions. Also, recognize her nosy questions from questions about your son, business, etc.