Thanks for posting. I am glad that my posts are helpful. 2 years is a long time! My H was gone a total of 10 months, with a failed attempt to come back for about 6 weeks in the middle of that. If that went on for 2 years and there was OW2 in there, I am not sure that I would be where I am now! For me, part of being able to forgive him includes that there was only 1 OW and it is not a pattern. The pattern is the NG behavior, not being clear on his positions/opinions in the M, growing to resent me for this, his lack of boundaries (especially with women), and his need for validation/happiness from others. Those patterns are things that he recognizes now, accepts as problems, and is actively working on changing. Ultimately I think for the M to work, that needs to happen.
Often when we come here, we focus on getting our S to come back, however that is just the first, and required, step. Once they return to the M, both people have to look at their part, make changes in themselves, and then create a new M together. It is a tremendous amount of work because simultaneously we have to reconcile a lot of hard feelings towards one another.
I will check out your thread. I am going out of town for several days and running out the door now.
Happy weekend everyone! Go out there and GAL, 180, detach, and all the good stuff :-)
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
