Not sure what I have

[Guzzard]

I'm in a similar situation where i think my situation is affected by something outside a normal relationship, but it may very well be that the underlying issues are what determine if she comes back or not. And there are underlying issues in my situation and yours. Either way, the acknowledement that you need to detach and then you focus on working on yourself helps you heal to get to a better place regardless on which path your situation takes.

Thanks, I recognize I need to detach for me. I have a number of GAL activities for the weekend and into next week that I hope can help. At the same time, I have to work on some divorce paperwork this weekend which is going to be hard. I hope to have a friend on the hook to spend some time with me after.

As far as things she is saying. Remember the saying on here tto "don't believe anything they say and only 50% of what they do". This applies regardless of her illness.

Yes, I do have to keep that in mind. I also know that in hindsight there were a number of things I didn't get the truth or full truth on. Regardless of why, right now more than ever, I can't analyze what she says or believe it.

I still stand by the suggestion that you should research as much as you can about your W's situation, but only if you can detach it from her and treat it as an experiment for your own sake. I think it lead you to a better understanding of what afflicts her and lead to the path where you can truly say "I hear you".

I am continuing to do it and much of the time it is helping me detach. I may have to set a timer on how much I research at once. I am finding it is a distraction that keeps my mind off of her, but I hit a point where it starts going the opposite way. I would love to be able to say to her "I hear you" and really truly understand her.

Lastly, if you care about this person, you may want to break the guideline of contacting family and let someone close to her, perferably family, know what is going on. You Let them know to be alert and that you will not be there in case she needs help. Then follow through with that and stop all contact.

In the first few weeks, I was bonkers and incredibly concerned for her. W has said before that her couple of closest friends are aware of her conditions, though her closest is terrible with advice, IMO.

I am on friendly terms with the family and she hid it from them. I did not tell them outright of her conditions, but I felt I gave them enough information that I was comfortable sharing. With the family member I was close with, I did suggest checking in on x basis.

I have been NC with the family for the last 4 weeks as well. I wouldn't be comfortable telling them more at this point.

The reality is W will listen to her one or two friends above all else anyway.... above me and above her family. I am not able to talk to those friends.

If I saw signs of danger, I would take more action, but at this point I believe I have done all I can. I appreciate what you said.