Sooooo as I have been saying for over a year: THERE IS STILL SOMETHING THERE BETWEEN YOU TWO (pats self on back).

But seriously, there are a lot of unresolved feelings between the two of you and so much that has NEVER been said. I get a sense that you are both wounded and both stubborn at the same time. That is why I keep telling you that it is still early. Perhaps:

SHE: Was growing away from you (as can happen in any M). She saw her H neglecting the M, couch surfing in the evening with too much alcohol, and impatient in general. Her oldest son is reaching adulthood and she is starting to think about her own happiness. She found the volunteer position at the fire station and she LOVED it. She also loved the attention and validation she got there. I am sorry, but I can see this happening with a lot of women I know. But she took it too far. Her H now hates her and she feels hopeless about her M and anything she can do. Now the fire station is that much more important to her to hang on to. She didn't want to meet your conditions (be controlled by you in her view), but she never said she wanted D. She did not have a full blown A or ever leave you for him (not minimizing her EA, but it's a valid point C-nut). If I recall she was willing to go no contact, but that was not enough. Was it a starting point tho???

YOU: You feel/felt like all of us here, so naturally we understand you more than her! You were lied to, cheated on, and betrayed. You feel that if she truly loved you and wanted to be M to you, then she would meet these conditions. The condition were simple in your eyes and the M should have been more important. She would have tried harder or she would have reached out if she wanted the M to work. So you gave up, sold house, and moved on and out of state. She knows where to find you. It has still only been a year and some months.

Does anyone see some gaping holes here??? Anyone? Anyone?

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela