What should I be doing now? (Filing for D soon)

[Coconut]

I suppose I'm thinking that c) also implies that either you feel sure she is never going to meet those conditions or you have decided that you no longer want to be married to her regardless of what happens. How do you know that this is true?

She was in training to be a volunteer firefighter for about 3 months before BD. At that time she was not willing to give up something she was doing for 3 months to try and save a 8 year M. Now it's been a year since I first told her that I was done with M if she wouldn't go NC, and she hasn't gone NC (which would require quitting FD). I'm not sure if she quit now that I would believe it was to save M anymore than it was simply because she didn't want to do it anymore, but I'll reserve that decision if and when it ever happens. How do you know if anything you "think" is true, I can only base my belief on what I see and know, and I haven't seen anything or know anything that says she has any plans to go NC (again, I don't know if she even talks to him anymore, but I believe they are both still there).

And how would you feel if you get divorced and find out in a year's time that this was the point where she was ready to do what you needed her to do?

My Marriage is dead, I don't feel M other than the fact that I have to check the Married, or Married but separated box when filling out official forms. There is no other feeling of being M. If a reconciliation was to happen, I would need to renew vows whether I was still M or not, so I don't see D as something that prevents reconciliation anyway. In fact, it D may benefit R in that the other person has to be committed enough to get M again.

And what is the 'problem' to which filing is the solution? What does it give you or remove from what you have now?

There is no "problem" that it would solve, except for stupid little things like when I wanted to buy a lottery ticket and the thought of her being able to take me to court to get half was enough for me not to buy it. I don't feel M, everyone who knows me in my new state knows me as a single guy, unless we've specifically had a discussion about my past. Getting D won't remove anything from what I have now, but it will get me back to neutral for my life going forward, instead of going forward with baggage.