Not sure what I have

[KGuy]

I can say that I am TRYING. I feel frustrated that I can't make as much progress as I want to and that I still fluctuate some much on it. One moment, I feel strong and that I have this. The next moment I realize how much I don't want to divorce.

The whole of everything really makes my headspin. As I said, real feelings, mental health, EA, OM... what's real, what's not. I guess in the end I try to remember that no matter what, she wants to divorce regardless. She told me her reasons don't make sense to her ... the fact that she just can't be married and wants to do everything ALONE. That she thought we were and I am good, but I guess I didn't make her happy enough. That she gets more happiness with (fake or real?) EA with OM. That even if only in her head the obsessiveness with OM stole her emotion from me. None of this is stuff I can control but sometimes I get so stuck on it. Typing it out helps, but I have type it out in journaling 1000 times already, it seems.

I'm in a similar situation where i think my situation is affected by something outside a normal relationship, but it may very well be that the underlying issues are what determine if she comes back or not. And there are underlying issues in my situation and yours. Either way, the acknowledement that you need to detach and then you focus on working on yourself helps you heal to get to a better place regardless on which path your situation takes.

As far as things she is saying. Remember the saying on here tto "don't believe anything they say and only 50% of what they do". This applies regardless of her illness.

I still stand by the suggestion that you should research as much as you can about your W's situation, but only if you can detach it from her and treat it as an experiment for your own sake. I think it lead you to a better understanding of what afflicts her and lead to the path where you can truly say "I hear you". Do not let her know anything about your research though. If she does come back you will need to know as much as you can and discuss with her about this illness and beat it together.

Lastly, if you care about this person, you may want to break the guideline of contacting family and let someone close to her, perferably family, know what is going on. You Let them know to be alert and that you will not be there in case she needs help. Then follow through with that and stop all contact.