Not sure what I have

[Guzzard]

[quote=BluWave]I am sorry you are here. It sounds like a very difficult position to be in. This is a great place for support and advice. I think your best course of action is to take the focus off of her (and her mental health) and focus on you--180, GAL, and detachment.

Above all else, this^^^

I struggling with it coming and going. I am doing the 180 and GAL. I'm not sure how well I am doing on detachment. I'll have a good day or half day and then some bad days where she stays in my head. I still do the 180 and GAL but she remains in my head.

* Even if she were making these choices based on how she "really does feel", versus an episode, this is not a fast process. Adjust the time line for whatever you plan DB wise

and or, maybe give yourself an internal deadline for seeing progress so you can know that limbo is not permanent. That really helped me stay the course.

Guzzard, this is good advice and it seems you are already taking it. I wish you well.

I can say that I am TRYING. I feel frustrated that I can't make as much progress as I want to and that I still fluctuate some much on it. One moment, I feel strong and that I have this. The next moment I realize how much I don't want to divorce.

The whole of everything really makes my headspin. As I said, real feelings, mental health, EA, OM... what's real, what's not. I guess in the end I try to remember that no matter what, she wants to divorce regardless. She told me her reasons don't make sense to her ... the fact that she just can't be married and wants to do everything ALONE. That she thought we were and I am good, but I guess I didn't make her happy enough. That she gets more happiness with (fake or real?) EA with OM. That even if only in her head the obsessiveness with OM stole her emotion from me. None of this is stuff I can control but sometimes I get so stuck on it. Typing it out helps, but I have type it out in journaling 1000 times already, it seems.