Not sure what I have

[KGuy]

I am sorry you are here. It sounds like a very difficult position to be in. This is a great place for support and advice. I think your best course of action is to take the focus off of her (and her mental health) and focus on you--180, GAL, and detachment.

Above all else, this^^^

I don't know what KGuy is referring to when it comes to his research, but unless he is a medical psychiatrist, I don't feel he should be making such generalizations. It is also unlikely that someone with the qualifications to do so would in this setting (a public forum and from the perspective of the LBS and not the patient).

I have an adult daughter that is Bipolar and still lives at home. Many of the statements by KGuy do not apply to her and I do not agree with them based on my research. I actually find some of it offensive. If you want to learn more about Bipolar disorder, please make sure you know where to look and please use caution when sharing what you have learned with others.

Thank you,
Blu

Point taken Blu. You are definitely correct in that this illness is a serious and delicate subject and affects people differently. I guess i should be clear that everyone knows that i am not a medical doctor and only intended to provide some insight based on personal knowledge of individuals close to me to perhaps give you some understanding of what your W could be going through. My research is from books i've read and internet searches as well as medical doctors. I also have an adult daughter, some relatives and close friends that are afflicted with this disorder. Still, take all of that information as hearsay only intended to help you perhaps understand. I guess i should have stopped after the first post and perhaps before. I was only trying to help. I'm sorry you were offended by what i wrote Blu, I hope you daughter is not afflicted in the way people i know were.

* there was a WAW here some years back. She was acting out and eventually got diagnosed with Bi-polar.

She really felt constrained by the treatment and then mortified and shamed by the results of her behavior. She had children and a h who loved her a lot. And then she took her own life.

I'll never forget that. The h posted here. If his posts are still around (Before the great DB "purge" of old threads) I think his name was 9lives. Worth reading.

I have seen this exact scenario almost happen in person. It can be really tragic when someone gets afflicted by this illness in such a way. As Blu pointed out earlier, this is serious stuff not to be taken lightly.

* Even if she were making these choices based on how she "really does feel", versus an episode, this is not a fast process. Adjust the time line for whatever you plan DB wise

and or, maybe give yourself an internal deadline for seeing progress so you can know that limbo is not permanent. That really helped me stay the course.

For me, in 3 months the divorce would finalize and that is my internal deadline. As it approaches though, I admit, the process of her returning changes. For example, if she had returned after 3 days that would be one thing...but 2 months later and already I would need to understand what happened first. Whether it was or was not mental health plays a role in what my decision would be.

Guzzard, this is good advice and it seems you are already taking it. I wish you well.