WAW, is there hope?

[KGuy]

So, if I understand this^^^you brought up D, correct?

No, if i recall, she brought up D, although it was related to her demand that she rename the youngest child, so i may have actually said the actual word after she said it in another way. she had been bringing the D word up recently off and on about three months prior to this climax.

why did you do^^^ this? What was the goal?

Sigh, I was just fed up. For over a month, she was sleeping in a separate room at one point displacing the 3 y/o from her bed and making her sleep on the floor. To my W's credit, she said she was not sleeping well in the master BR. That was the source of another less serious incident that only involved a power struggle over the kid and not any physical assault.

In hindsight, Was this a battle worth fighting?

Probably not, but my thinking at the time was that i had the kid duty in the morning and the evening. It was harder to take the kids their bath's separately. She had put me in that position a few times before that and it made those tasks harder for me to do by doing their baths separately. Besides, it wasn't like she was feeding at the time, she was doing other things while holding the child. She usually feed the youngest one right before bed after I gave both kids their bath. That was the routine. When the youngest fell asleep, then she could go straight to bed and not be disrupted by giving a bath later. That was the routine and i asked for that reason.In hindsight she was very specific in that request and it was unusual compared to their normal routine. I should have listened better at that time and inquired why she was so insistent on feeding then.

why would you resist? She wanted to nurse the baby, who was thirsty. I'm confused about the power struggle here. What are the underlying issues in your opinion?

Dig deep.

At the time i was thinking that the W wasn't producing that much milk, and it needed to be supplemented. Further, she was at the sink when i walked in and didn't seem like it was as urgent as before. There are underlying issues for both of us here, but focusing on mine, i guess i felt that i could feed the baby just as well as she could and when she didn't respond right away when i came in the kitchen, i went to act on that impulse to just start on it myself. When she physically tried to take the child from me, i instinctively resisted her trying to take the baby forcefully from me. The child is our child, not HER child after all. There is a lot of things leading up to this that made me feel threatened here. Perhaps i glossed over those in my bullets. If i had found this site first of the year and started this thread then, this would be part 20 i'm sure if i had not left a whole lot out.

ugh

I know, I know... The suggestion came up to give the kid to the MIL while we were struggling, once i registered, i relented.

why?

This is definitely me scared here. She was trying to record the event, it just gave me a sense of deja vu from my last marriage and i just wanted to protect myself somehow.

so, she kneed you in the groin b/c you were getting away? Would she say it was in self defense if she were here?

I honestly don't know what she'd say, but it couldn't vary far from what i stated if she was honest. I never touched her, she was going after the phone that i had at the time and i was trying to get away from her. She chased me from the kitchen into a separate room to prevent me from going further when this happened. When talking to the MIL about the whole thing later, she said what she witnessed in the kitchen was mutual. I guess i agree with that, but reminded her i had the child initially. I am stronger and bigger than her, but i was in retreat. I know the image sound silly and it truly is, however, I didn't (and never) want to be in a position where i have to defend myself against the one i care about. If i had stood my ground though, what do you think would have happened? I would have preferred to talk it through and reason with her why we were where we were.

Kguy, - this^^^ sounds like a mutual fray with 2 people who both need anger management inside an odd power struggle.

Which at least is a clear path for you to do your personal work in, imo.

Yeah, i agree i was angry and resentful that she wouldn't respect that i had the kid and had things under control. Thinking about your post, i think i can honestly say that i have been holding resentment for quite some time about things that have happened in our R. I'll get to that in my response to your other post.
To come to my W's defense, I will say here that during this time she was exhausted for various reasons. This was why i had asked her mom to cook and also why i had been taking over all the child duties from the moment i walked in until they were in bed.

this is an unusual concidence, don't you think? Have you ever worked on getting better coping skills for this?

Well, the two instances weren't exactly the same, but yeah they are similar. I was told by a couple of lawyers after the first marriage that creating an incident where the police are called is a dirty lawyer trick for the women in the divorce to get the upper hand in a custody battle. Strangely enough, i think my W may have been coached on this by her lawyer, but she got scared when it turned on her that she had actually done the worst of it. Unfortunately for me, all i had was two ripped garments, some sore privates and all the witnesses related directly to the offender.

Well, what are you doing to work on this trigger? It's a pattern, and you have mentioned 3 separate incidents - and in each case you blame your ex w and your present wife.

Three separate incidents? There were only two where a claim of "assault" took place. The first M, the X claimed assault. This time, i made the call, although i didn't have the heart to follow through with pressing charges. I can see where it sounds like a pattern as i'm sure her lawyer could as well. As a side note, the W contacted my 20 y/o D asking for my X's contact information after this happened. My D does not like her and called me to tell me what she had requested. Not that this sways anything in either direction, she could have asked because she was genuinely worried about my health i reckon.

I don't know what i can do to work on this trigger. I think i will work on it by not having any more kids for one. As i said i didn't physically initiate anything nor did i use physical means to stop it besides pulling away and trying to get away from the situation. In this case i was actually trying to avoid the situation by leaving the room and the W came after me. In the previous M, the X also approached me putting her finger on my nose to provoke me. From talking with lawyers in that industry, it appears its recommended for unethic reason IMO. How do you suggest i work on this. I see your other post about forgiveness (which i will address separately), but how am i supposed to work on how i react to something that is designed to attempt to put me in a bad light solely for the purpose of putting me at a disadvantage on seeing the kids. Luckily, the judges see right through this sort of thing my lawyers from both M stated. If you have any suggestions as to how i could cope with this better, i'm all ears.

but you just said there are prior incidents in your previous m.

As i stated above, the previous incident was provoked and seen for what it was by the judge. I told my W everything on the other incidents and perhaps she thought she could do the same thing and have better results? I don't know.

so you are saying your wife set you up? That she trapped you into a fight?

Yes, that is what i am saying for certaiin on the first M, and pretty sure on the second M.
One other thing i glossed over in my attempt to summarize:
The W went to speak to two lawyers on what her rights were in Januaryish. The second lawyer she spoke to she told her mom was a "counselor" and that this "counselor" had told her to be mean. Her Mom had mentioned that "counselor" was in a certain area of town. She told her Mom she didn't want to use that "counselor". When she got the lawyer and i got the address of the Lawyer, the address was from that section of town. A little reach to get there for me, but not much of one especially in light of what she tried to do during our struggle for preparations on who would get custody.