Not sure what I have

[Guzzard]

I finished reading your thread and it seems you know she has SAD (plus her other issues).

Yes, that's correct.

* you already have heard the "in sickness and in health" but there is the aspect of this that directly/uniquely affects YOU. By analogy, If your w had a disease that was contagious and endangered you, you might have to leave.

I was 100% on board with in sickness and in health. If my W had a contagious disease that endangered me, I would not leave. I was in it together 100%. It would not have been a hard call for me. She walked away and indicated divorce is the only way. I really don't have any way to know if these are real feelings or mental health.

* if I understand your timeline correctly, the more recent developments are that she wants to file and it's of a short duration.

What is your actual specific dilemma now? To fight a Div or to DB or what?

The divorce is filed and will finalize in 3 months. I do not want a divorce. There is no fighting occurring over assets or anything. I would rather save the M, but she has no willingness. My intent was to DB for myself and if something swings her around then I would have to reanalyze based on where I am at.

* there was a WAW here some years back. She was acting out and eventually got diagnosed with Bi-polar.

She really felt constrained by the treatment and then mortified and shamed by the results of her behavior. She had children and a h who loved her a lot. And then she took her own life.

I'll never forget that. The h posted here. If his posts are still around (Before the great DB "purge" of old threads) I think his name was 9lives. Worth reading.

Thanks, I will try to search it. I admit for the first 3 weeks after she left, I was in a terrible state because in her depressive episode we did discuss she had suicidal thoughts and when I mentioned she was hospitalized many years ago, it was for that. I was terribly worried if this is her highest mania that it could turn psychotic (as her depression was) and spiral out of control. It does not seem like that is the case though. I'd say her mania has stayed at the same level, though that is only from a few calls and couple of meetings. I have at least accepted that she doesn't want and won't accept my help so I am powerless. Her friends are aware and though I think they don't have "awareness" there is nothing I can do and there is no sign of danger.

* Even if she were making these choices based on how she "really does feel", versus an episode, this is not a fast process. Adjust the time line for whatever you plan DB wise

and or, maybe give yourself an internal deadline for seeing progress so you can know that limbo is not permanent. That really helped me stay the course.

For me, in 3 months the divorce would finalize and that is my internal deadline. As it approaches though, I admit, the process of her returning changes. For example, if she had returned after 3 days that would be one thing...but 2 months later and already I would need to understand what happened first. Whether it was or was not mental health plays a role in what my decision would be.

Hang in there, you are not alone.

I offer you support.

Thanks very much for your support and help. I greatly appreciate it.