I was using part of that script from what Cadence wrote and Train said it sounded okay too. That's why I came up with you aren't interested in our m or whatever along those lines.
Things are rapidly changing T. I'm in agreement there is zero point in sending him that text at this point. And I'd never be in agreement with the laundry list, anyway. That's not the text of a strong woman who knows her value.
If you want him out, tell him you want him out. That's it. None of the other stuff. One statement, without any explanation even necessary. Don't get dragged into a back and forth. If he asks, a calm "Because you left and you're treating the house like a hotel. It's time for you to get your own place." is all you need. But, come on, like he'd really be confused.
If he starts panicking and says "what about ____? I can't just find a place quickly.", you say, "I'm sorry you're worried about it, but that's not my problem, H."
If he wants to talk custody, you could say "I think the priority is you finding a place with suitable bedrooms for the boys so you can have overnights, right? That's Step 1." That buys you time, avoids the conversation, and gets the topic back to what you want - him getting out.
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Don't mention OW, the concerts, nothing??
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It is so hard to not tell him I know.
What does it matter at this point? And how many times have you already told him that you "know" and that you're "not stupid"? I'm recalling that you've said these things multiple times already.
I think you're confused about the stage you're at, T. What he does doesn't matter because you aren't together anymore. He isn't trying to R with you. You're filing for D. It doesn't matter.
His cheating, lying, going to concerts and telling you he doesn't have money are relevant for you crying on the shoulders of your friends and family and talking about how much he hurt you. The connection between the two of you were accusations are relevant isn't there anymore. It will just make you look foolish and as if you're pining after him and aren't aware that he accusations no longer belong.
In order to saying and doing things you'll later regret, it's best not to look at only the words, but he larger message you'd be sending. And sending the laundry list text says "I'm still attached, H. You can still hurt me. I spend a lot of time thinking about you and what you're doing." Is that the underlying message you want to send him?
Instead of thinking about all he's done wrong, redirect your thoughts to you and your life and what you need to achieve peace in this new chapter. Refuse to ruminate on him. Refuse to get pulled into arguments. You're above that now.
