Not sure what I have

[Guzzard]

Thanks RR17. I appreciate the support.

[Guzzard]

Unfortunately the book didn't get delivered yesterday. I am hoping for today.

[KGuy]

I would say this is both an EA and also related to her bipolar disorder. Only she can work on dealing with the latter, and using the DB rules can help deal with the EA. Bipolars tend to infactuate, so the infactuation with the hobby/OM may be just a phase until she gets bored with it. Unfortunately, the same applies to your relationship it appears. All you can do is detach and GAL. I like the lighthouse link, be that.

Also, read Sandi2's post on LBH and the conditions for taking someone back in an A. I really got a lot from that even though my situation does not involve an A.

I would also suggest the you read a lot on the bipolar disorder so you know what you are up against there. There are quite a few good books out there on it i think. That disorder is very complicated and if she has been hospitalized quite life threatening for her.

From this point on, this will be a test of how much you love her. For this site, the theme is like the song "if you love someone set them free..."

[Guzzard]

Thanks for the reply. It is certainly head scrambling for me.

I have experienced the infatuation with W bipolar before. Originally I would have said it was harmless, but in hindsight it was a problem for me because W wasn't open about it and hid it. Three times W contacted different OMs. The first OM W stopped of her own accord, the second OM is old hobby M. The third is a new obsession that I think is new, but still in that hobby.

The hobby is a life long passion that always existed. The new twist is that through the hobby W has an EA (at least in her own mind) with OM. I really don't know, but I think OM is unaware. Since W pattern is older OM, the hobby is filled with them.

I believe the above to be related to W bipolar and manic states. They always start in Feb and always peak in May. However, this time W doesn't value me or the marriage to stop. W won't take meds or continue therapy because I believe therapy tells W to cut contact and due to hobby W won't. On this respect, I feel that I should cut my losses and move on. Without willingness for the right treatment or respect for me or the marriage, I can just expect more of it.

I'm not sure at this point where I am at. I feel that if I could get through to W and W could recognize the damage, the loss, the potential illness that this could get treated and turned around, so yes the lighthouse. On the other hand, my mood swings and right now this moment, I don't want to put up with it anymore.

I have gone no contact except divorce essentials, I am trying to detach, and I am GALing. I guess I am willing to give it a little more time, but otherwise I think I'm out. Each time I see W on divorce paperwork though, W pulls me back in.

[KGuy]

I have experienced the infatuation with W bipolar before. Originally I would have said it was harmless, but in hindsight it was a problem for me because W wasn't open about it and hid it. Three times W contacted different OMs. The first OM W stopped of her own accord, the second OM is old hobby M. The third is a new obsession that I think is new, but still in that hobby.

However the EA manifests, i think you need to have the same boundaries that are listed in the LBS threads i link above for taking her back. Treat the EA as descibed on here your W needs to have consequences illness or not. The hiding is the shame of the A, although a list of traits among Bipolars is that they are not honest. I don't believe that to be true, but the shame of the A would cause anyone to lie just as you see throughout this forum.

The hobby is a life long passion that always existed.

Curious about the Hobby, but its probably best not to post it...

I believe the above to be related to W bipolar and manic states. They always start in Feb and always peak in May. However, this time W doesn't value me or the marriage to stop. W won't take meds or continue therapy because I believe therapy tells W to cut contact and due to hobby W won't.

Promiscuity is one of the "symptoms" of the disorder and it is associated with the highs as you point out, so yeah it may wane out in the fall if she is season oriented.

BTW, IMO thearapy is useless in this disorder with few exceptions. Thearapy only works if you are willing to take in what can be learned from the thearapist. The thearapist only can provide insight as to what their experiences are. Unless the thearapist is also bipolar (or perhaps only afflicted with a single pole depression) the full experience of the bipolar episodes cannot be realized and thus the advice may not be fully correct. This is why bipolars typically dismiss non-bipolar people of their views, after all you only understand what they tell you. Add to that, there is a stigma on this illness. This also goes with your relationship and is most likely why your W glossed over what issues she had with the disorder. What did your friends say?...cut your losses, right? Bipolars are generally dismissed once determined that they are bipolar. They are considered the problem from then on.

Your filing might actually trigger something as well, so reality may set in earlier because of that. Sometimes its not all boilogical. The trick for her is to be aware of what state she is in and act as necessary to counter it. However, that is her deal not yours. All i was saying earlier is perhaps read up on it to make yourself aware. Its way more than what you allude to that meds will solve their issue. Understand that meds only allievate symptoms, there is no cure for bipolar disorder.

I could go on about bipolar, i've researched it quite heavily. Researching the bipolar issue is quite fascinating and could provide a distraction. It might not be the best distraction (but the same could be applied to this site), but i would think either way you go, you'd want as much knowledge as possible about what you are dealing with. Your further research may bring hope, it may push YOU further away. One thing though, take care of yourself. Get your boat fully anchored and the end of the rope tied off before you go into that current. Thats the GAL and DB concept and i think that is the path you should follow. You are in my prayers.

I feel that I should cut my losses and move on. Without willingness for the right treatment or respect for me or the marriage, I can just expect more of it.

This is a decision you need to make on your own of course. Understand she does not appear in control of her situation at the moment. Either way the present situation is out of your hands, so your best course of action now is to detach from it. Any decision you make right now is not up to you.

We met to sign the initial divorce filing and she was in an "out of body" state. So, after that I emailed a plea to work this out and via email she was resolute again that divorce is the only path.

I wasn't going to write more on the disorder aspect, but , but let me also provide some insight on this as well. Sometimes, part of the mood range of a bipolar is not feeling anything. This can be a benefit is such cases where the feelings could drag her under, but also a burden in that she can get confused as to what her true feelings are. Don't read into this as her being cold. ts contradicted by theto the FB post below...

W posted about me giving her a box of darkness when she received divorce papers.

Winston Churhhill called it the "black dog".

I'm not sure at this point where I am at. I feel that if I could get through to W and W could recognize the damage, the loss, the potential illness that this could get treated and turned around, so yes the lighthouse. On the other hand, my mood swings and right now this moment, I don't want to put up with it anymore.

The only way your W will experience loss is if she expects you won't be there, that the whole LRT concept. It appears she knows this, Mood swings? LOL. Are we talking you or the W? Seriously, dealing with a bipolar is very difficult. most people would just walk away and who could blame them I guess. right now focus on yourself and ensure you are taken care of.

I have gone no contact except divorce essentials, I am trying to detach, and I am GALing. I guess I am willing to give it a little more time, but otherwise I think I'm out. Each time I see W on divorce paperwork though, W pulls me back in.

The detaching and GAL are to help you cope and try to grow yourself. As Cadet says, use your time wisely. A benefit is that your S sees these changes and is drawn back to you. In your case, it way more complicated as i allude in my overview of the bipolar above. If you think that she just needs to be on meds and that with therapy will make her what you want, then quite frankly you are way over you head here and you should just bail. On the other hand, the W you once loved is there. You don't have a choice right now though, all you can do is take care of yourself and perhaps hope.

[Guzzard]

Thanks so much for your reply KGuy, I really appreciate the insight.

However the EA manifests, i think you need to have the same boundaries that are listed in the LBS threads i link above for taking her back. Treat the EA as descibed on here your W needs to have consequences illness or not. The hiding is the shame of the A, although a list of traits among Bipolars is that they are not honest. I don't believe that to be true, but the shame of the A would cause anyone to lie just as you see throughout this forum.

I am rereading it now. I realize I let boundaries slip earlier in the M because I "trusted" W and I was not well read on her mental health. W was not fully honest about a number of things...mental health or just a dishonest person, I don't know.

Curious about the Hobby, but its probably best not to post it...

You are right, it would be too revealing.

Promiscuity is one of the "symptoms" of the disorder and it is associated with the highs as you point out, so yeah it may wane out in the fall if she is season oriented.

W is seasonal. Like clockwork. We had other distractions the last few years in spring that I gave W a different outlet for some obsessiveness, but still OM/EA persisted. This was a boundary I let slip in the name of "trust" and poor education. W obsessive, cyberstalking (3) OM led to W contacting them and that crossed my boundary, but I didn't enforce it.

BTW, IMO thearapy is useless in this disorder with few exceptions. Thearapy only works if you are willing to take in what can be learned from the thearapist.

For the short amount of time W did it, it did seem to help and W took it in. In Winter she had deep depression with psychosis. Prescribed 1500mg of Seroquel. Knocked her out, but handled the acute event. It stands to reason since this was W lowest low ever that currently W is in highest high ever. I guess I only said therapy because they would prescribe the meds to help her stability and improve psychosis. I believe W discussed attraction to old OM and psychiatrist told her to terminate contact...so she quit both the meds and doc. Plus W has said she likes the manias which should have been a boundary because that is actually irresponsible and disrespectful to me, I believe.

Add to that, there is a stigma on this illness. This also goes with your relationship and is most likely why your W glossed over what issues she had with the disorder. What did your friends say?...cut your losses, right? Bipolars are generally dismissed once determined that they are bipolar.

Correct, everyone says cut my losses and run. W never really opened up about how it was affecting her, she did CBT and told me nothing I could do to help.

Your filing might actually trigger something as well, so reality may set in earlier because of that. Sometimes its not all boilogical. The trick for her is to be aware of what state she is in and act as necessary to counter it. However, that is her deal not yours.

I filed and W received the paperwork at her new apartment. It triggered some FB posts, but nothing else. W friends think W is just in super happy freedom mode (and who knows for sure anyway).

All i was saying earlier is perhaps read up on it to make yourself aware. Its way more than what you allude to that meds will solve their issue. Understand that meds only allievate symptoms, there is no cure for bipolar disorder.

I've spent several weeks reading up on it now. I wish I would have done that when first known, but I can't beat myself up on that because W downplayed it so much. I read that the meds basically just keep the highs/lows from extremes and help with psychosis but otherwise it is lifelong. It can worsen as more episodes occur if untreated. In W case, there is more than "just" bipolar, ex. unresolved childhood trauma (that is questionable whether it is real or perceived) that no meds will solve, only W can solve, and that needs help from a pro w/specific experience. It's too late now, but the other reason for a doc would have been so I would have access to the doc and some sessions to help regulate and monitor.

I could go on about bipolar, i've researched it quite heavily. Researching the bipolar issue is quite fascinating and could provide a distraction. It might not be the best distraction (but the same could be applied to this site), but i would think either way you go, you'd want as much knowledge as possible about what you are dealing with.

Please feel free to go on about it. It is helpful and interesting. I have been reading about it intently and it has provided a distraction. I am more able to read it now that the BD is a few weeks further away. It has not pushed me away or pulled me in because the fact is without a willing W, it doesn't matter.

Get your boat fully anchored and the end of the rope tied off before you go into that current. Thats the GAL and DB concept and i think that is the path you should follow. You are in my prayers.

Thank you, I appreciate it and all your comments. I really floundered for a few weeks and believe I am starting to get grounded. GAL and focusing on me has helped. I can't do anything about what W does.

Sometimes, part of the mood range of a bipolar is not feeling anything. This can be a benefit is such cases where the feelings could drag her under, but also a burden in that she can get confused as to what her true feelings are.

I spent the first few weeks trying to make sense of whether this was a result of mental health or true feelings. I now understand W probably doesn't even now either, so I've moved past trying to explain it. W is in a mode where I would say W currently feels nothing...everything is fake with her right now. I know it because I know W, her friends think W is a bundle of joy and happiness with no cares in the world. I am disappointed in one of her friends that is aware of her disorders, very bad advice came from this friend and I think encouraged the current state.

The only way your W will experience loss is if she expects you won't be there, that the whole LRT concept. It appears she knows this

Yes, I've been doing it all the last 4 weeks roughly.

Mood swings? LOL. Are we talking you or the W? Seriously, dealing with a bipolar is very difficult. most people would just walk away and who could blame them I guess. right now focus on yourself and ensure you are taken care of.

Lol, I readily admit being a bundle of moods myself for the first few weeks. I have been better lately. I do love my W, but yes, have to worry about what I can change/control which is me.

If you think that she just needs to be on meds and that with therapy will make her what you want, then quite frankly you are way over you head here and you should just bail. On the other hand, the W you once loved is there. You don't have a choice right now though, all you can do is take care of yourself and perhaps hope.

No, I've done the homework know and though I think I have much more to learn, I don't think meds and therapy solve it. I think there needs to be a comprehensive plan basically. Without too much detail, meds and therapy for her I think have to happen, but there has to be more open communication, better awareness, monitoring moods, tracking, ID'ing triggers, etc.

Thanks so much for all your insight. Feel free to post as much as you'd like on the disorder. I am all for learning.

[KGuy]

Correct, everyone says cut my losses and run. W never really opened up about how it was affecting her, she did CBT and told me nothing I could do to help.

I've spent several weeks reading up on it now. I wish I would have done that when first known, but I can't beat myself up on that because W downplayed it so much.

You say she should have let you know, but ask yourself what would you have done had you known? I suspect she was wondering this and glossed it over because she suspected you couldn't handle it. I notice you were together for quite a while before you finally married. Who drove that timeframe? Being that you were together for longer than you were married, you had to notice this behavior prior to the M, correct?

Again, there is a stigma associated with this. When you research the illness, you'll find that there are quite a few people that are (or were) famous that are diagnosed with this illness, yet they don't come out of the closet so to speak until they have been well established and quite frankly can withstand any critisisms. Doing a quick search leads to Linda Hamilton's story which seems very similar to your wife's story now.

Although there are people who research someone they care about, the stigma for the rest of the diagnosed really hasn't changed. Just look at any recent commentary anytime there is some mass shooting. The blame is usually associated with two types of people, the mentally ill and terrorists. Everytime i see any commentary on trying to control mentaly ill after such incidents, i imagine a pitchfork in one hand while they type with the other. In light of that, perhaps you can understand why she hid it from you yet left the door open a little to perhaps see how much you could handle or even cared to find out. That is of course giving her credit for knowing the depth of her illness herself. With a hospitalizeation and being on medication i would think she was aware of that.

I read that the meds basically just keep the highs/lows from extremes and help with psychosis but otherwise it is lifelong.

There is no cure for Bipolar (or unipolar) Depression. There are only ways to lesson the effects of the biological disorder. There are many different types of medicines used. The main one that is specific to bipolar is a mood stabilizer. This is designed to take the peaks out of the mood swings. That has to be tailored to the individual for it to work correctly. Even so, it typically has side effects but is a trade-off on what the individual is willing to do to keep "regulated". Unfortunately it sometimes can also dampen the moods too much causing other issues. Other medicines are sometimes administered that treat the individual manic or deprssive states. Administered incorrectly, these can cause the opposite effects that are intended or can dampen too much where the individual doesn't feel anything or is in an "out of body" state you describe. With any combination of meds comes the greater increase of doubling up on side affects.

It can worsen as more episodes occur if untreated.

I haven't seen anything in the people i know/knew personally that really supports this. If anything, the amplitudes of the swings gets less as the individual learns how to eventually manage the peaks and valleys. This management can be many forms, medicine or otherwise. The danger though is that if the swings are out of control, the individual can lose their life due to either risky behavior in the manic state or high risk of suicide in the depressive state. There are also some individuals who have what called mixed states where they are depressed and manic at the same time. These are by far the most dangerous.

Please feel free to go on about it. It is helpful and interesting. I have been reading about it intently and it has provided a distraction. I am more able to read it now that the BD is a few weeks further away. It has not pushed me away or pulled me in because the fact is without a willing W, it doesn't matter.

Correct, just treat it as a research project at this point nothing more since she is not willing.

In researching this disorder, its amazing to me that there are some incredibally talented and amazing people that are inflicted by this disorder. I read in the LBS thread that someone had said that their relationship grew grew by leaps and bounds because of the turmoil of an A. In a similar way, the turmoil of this illness leads to great innovations. The assciated risk taking sometimes pays off and the ideas that the risks were taken for change many peoples lives. There are even some some things I've read that rocked my spiritual beliefs. As for her, it helps her anyway. You mentioned everyone around her is sayiing she is so happy and fun to be around i think i recall.

Plus W has said she likes the manias which should have been a boundary because that is actually irresponsible and disrespectful to me, I believe.

I would view this as controlling. Try and think about it from her perspective.:
You would want only the middle groud?
Are you okay with the depressive states?
but you don't like the time when she feels the best?
I think if she does come back, both of you need to find out how you are going to live with this together.

I spent the first few weeks trying to make sense of whether this was a result of mental health or true feelings. I now understand W probably doesn't even now either, so I've moved past trying to explain it. W is in a mode where I would say W currently feels nothing...everything is fake with her right now. I know it because I know W, her friends think W is a bundle of joy and happiness with no cares in the world. I am disappointed in one of her friends that is aware of her disorders, very bad advice came from this friend and I think encouraged the current state.

I would say you are reading into what she is feeling. I think that if you've taken anything out of this, its that you really don't know what she is feeling...

Yes, I've been doing it all the last 4 weeks roughly.

I don't think that will coincide with her cycles, but remember, you are doing this for you right now anyway.

Lol, I readily admit being a bundle of moods myself for the first few weeks.

Now try and think how you would feel if you had those mood swings uncontrollably AND had outside issues that accentuated it. That was the black box she mentioned.

No, I've done the homework know and though I think I have much more to learn, I don't think meds and therapy solve it. I think there needs to be a comprehensive plan basically. Without too much detail, meds and therapy for her I think have to happen, but there has to be more open communication, better awareness, monitoring moods, tracking, ID'ing triggers, etc.

I think as this paragraph goes on you are getting what it would take to keep a relationship together with this woman on just the illness alone. Keep reading about it and try and understand what she is going through.

The same would apply to someone having an affair should she have taken anything to a PA level. There is plenty of threads about that on here detailing precisely that. At the end of the day, it comes down to:
1) if you care about her enough to wait her out to see if she will come around. I'm betting that, like me and most on here, you do, or otherwise you wouldn't even be here.
2) you honor your vows both to her and God. Since you don't have children that leaves out 3) for you


On here they say this is a marathon, not a sprint, and for you its a very long one I think. I wish you luck.


I wish you luck.

[Guzzard]

You say she should have let you know, but ask yourself what would you have done had you known? I suspect she was wondering this and glossed it over because she suspected you couldn't handle it. I notice you were together for quite a while before you finally married. Who drove that timeframe? Being that you were together for longer than you were married, you had to notice this behavior prior to the M, correct?

What I meant by this is she told me about the bipolar, but as she experienced episodes she would tell me she is feeling depressed or feeling hypo/manic... but I didn't understand then what that really meant. I'd ask her if there I was anything I could do to help. In depressive states, I'd often just hug, hold, text or email funny things and she'd always tell me that helps. I didn't though understand the deep darkness she was in because she'd tell that she was feeling better. In the hypo/manic state, like I mentioned, we made some big and somewhat impulsive choices about things always in spring over the years. The two times she walked out on me were both in springs where we had nothing happening. At other times she would just say that the hypo/manic state makes her overshare, have love for everyone, and be more productive, but were manageable. Generally, she'd become very obsessive about something during those times and then it would work it self out.

We both discussed wanting to take the relationship slow and she was okay with that. We dated about 3.5 years before she moved in with me. I admit I probably drove the 3.5 years while she was more ready to move in sooner. About 1.5 years after moving in, she had an EA with an old ex that suddenly contacted her because he just divorced. She left me for a day that year while this EA was happening but came home and that EA ended. She cited the problem being we weren't discussing our future together. This occurred in spring, so I'd suspect during a hypo/manic phase. I was not aware of this EA until recently though. Anyway, we discussed our future and really came together. I decided I was in it with here for M. I asked her to marry a year later, we married a year after that. This period and the first year of marriage were wonderful. She had only what I'd say were mild depressive and hypomanic episodes.

In the 2nd year of M is when I saw the obsessiveness over older men materialize. I addressed it, went with "trusting" her. In the 3rd year, she had the worst depressive episode I've seen her have and as I mentioned this is when she went to the pdoc and on meds. After stopping both is when I saw her inserting herself into OM life, doing special things for him, liking what her liked, being where he was going, inserting herself with OM SO and this created tension in our M. Before addressing that, she left. She "seems" more manic than I have ever seen her. However, like my opening post, I don't really know what its all about. Obviously, I've condensed the story not to get super long

In light of that, perhaps you can understand why she hid it from you yet left the door open a little to perhaps see how much you could handle or even cared to find out. That is of course giving her credit for knowing the depth of her illness herself. With a hospitalizeation and being on medication i would think she was aware of that.

I understand your point and I really don't know. I guess the depths of it is what I felt I didn't understand and she talked about it as if when hospitalized that was a thing that happened in the past and was resolved or that she now has managed. The episodes to this year - to me - didn't seem that bad. I now know differently and understand much more. I didn't think of researching like this because other than the one major depression episode, she either hid it well or didn't have bigger episodes. I can tell you even in her most depressive state ever, her friends and family would never know...she is that good at hiding it.... so I'd suspect perhaps the major episode is the only one I got the full effect of. I don't know if she understands the depth of her condition, only she knows that, from the outside looking in and now that I've read, I would say she does not. We met for paperwork one day after BD. W was in a near catatonic state I would say. Someone she knew walked in and in a split second changed to bubbly, happy, laughing and as soon the person was out of sight back to near catatonic. No idea which was the real state or an act. I guess that is just to highlight the "actress" ability she has. And I only use the terms "hid" and "actress" as descriptive terms, there is no ill will behind the terms, just the best descriptive terms I have.

I haven't seen anything in the people i know/knew personally that really supports this. If anything, the amplitudes of the swings gets less as the individual learns how to eventually manage the peaks and valleys. This management can be many forms, medicine or otherwise. The danger though is that if the swings are out of control, the individual can lose their life due to either risky behavior in the manic state or high risk of suicide in the depressive state. There are also some individuals who have what called mixed states where they are depressed and manic at the same time. These are by far the most dangerous.

Thanks for the info. I just read a couple of studies that were saying as each episode occurs that it leaves damage to the brain that over time will make episodes more frequent and more intense. Also, in the "big" depressive episode my wife had there was some psychosis. And in the week before she left me, she mumbled a few things that I didn't pick up on that suggested to me some remaining psychosis. For example, hearing voices. In my last meeting with her... speech was rapid, conversation was racing and repetitive, her eye color was green instead of hazel (that happened to her often), seeming inability to stay present. Now that could be hypo/mania signs or nerves of meeting about a divorce or ?? but I'd sure don't know.

In researching this disorder, its amazing to me that there are some incredibally talented and amazing people that are inflicted by this disorder. I read in the LBS thread that someone had said that their relationship grew grew by leaps and bounds because of the turmoil of an A. In a similar way, the turmoil of this illness leads to great innovations. The assciated risk taking sometimes pays off and the ideas that the risks were taken for change many peoples lives. There are even some some things I've read that rocked my spiritual beliefs. As for her, it helps her anyway. You mentioned everyone around her is sayiing she is so happy and fun to be around i think i recall.

Is is interesting and fascinating reading. Like you mentioned, some very successful people have been bipolar. Yes, I did say her friends view her as so happy and fun to be around... though I'd say she always did that... at home, she would tell me that I get the real her and when out she was said she was always faking it. Which is true, got me. So right now, with her happy than ever, according to her previous statements to me, it is an act. Or it's not, and what I was getting was the act. Lol, I don't know.

I would view this as controlling. Try and think about it from her perspective.:
You would want only the middle groud?
Are you okay with the depressive states?
but you don't like the time when she feels the best?
I think if she does come back, both of you need to find out how you are going to live with this together.

I didn't phrase that well, what I was trying to say is the effects of the episodes that are damaging to me or our M are what is disrespectful. I agree on the if she comes back part and would intend to do that. She has a past pattern here though too. This same sequence of events occurred in her first marriage and also a later relationship. What has not been in her pattern is to "return" to the relationship so I really don't expect she will.

I would say you are reading into what she is feeling. I think that if you've taken anything out of this, its that you really don't know what she is feeling...

Thanks, yes, you are right. I have a tendency to read into or try to analyze feelings and you are right, I do not know.

Now try and think how you would feel if you had those mood swings uncontrollably AND had outside issues that accentuated it. That was the black box she mentioned.

Yes, I do understand much more now. I can honestly say I wasn't even remotely close before to understanding what she was feeling, I have never been less aware of something than I was of this. I'm sure I still don't fully comprehend, but I'd say I am closer today than two months ago.

At the end of the day, it comes down to:
1) if you care about her enough to wait her out to see if she will come around. I'm betting that, like me and most on here, you do, or otherwise you wouldn't even be here.
2) you honor your vows both to her and God. Since you don't have children that leaves out 3) for you

On here they say this is a marathon, not a sprint, and for you its a very long one I think. I wish you luck.

Yes, indeed, I love her with all my heart and care about her deeply. For me, it really comes down to, basically the heart of DBing, I can only control myself, I need to take care of myself and my responsibilities and life, I can't control her. If at some point she comes around then that is something I need to consider.

I greatly appreciate all the insight and information you are sharing with me. Thanks very much !

[BluWave]

I am sorry you are here. It sounds like a very difficult position to be in. This is a great place for support and advice. I think your best course of action is to take the focus off of her (and her mental health) and focus on you--180, GAL, and detachment.

I want to caution people on giving advice when it comes to dealing with mental health issues. This is a serious and delicate subject. There is a lot of misinformation out there and it can be difficult to know what is accurate and what it not. I work in health care and we have a term for this that we call "google doctors," and while it is great that people want to educate themselves, often people don't know how to distinguish evidence based research from articles that restate info/material, which can be done inaccurately.

I don't know what KGuy is referring to when it comes to his research, but unless he is a medical psychiatrist, I don't feel he should be making such generalizations. It is also unlikely that someone with the qualifications to do so would in this setting (a public forum and from the perspective of the LBS and not the patient).

I have an adult daughter that is Bipolar and still lives at home. Many of the statements by KGuy do not apply to her and I do not agree with them based on my research. I actually find some of it offensive. If you want to learn more about Bipolar disorder, please make sure you know where to look and please use caution when sharing what you have learned with others.

Thank you,
Blu

[Guzzard]

I am sorry you are here. It sounds like a very difficult position to be in. This is a great place for support and advice. I think your best course of action is to take the focus off of her (and her mental health) and focus on you--180, GAL, and detachment.

I have an adult daughter that is Bipolar and still lives at home. Many of the statements by KGuy do not apply to her and I do not agree with them based on my research. I actually find some of it offensive. If you want to learn more about Bipolar disorder, please make sure you know where to look and please use caution when sharing what you have learned with others.

Thank you for the reply, Blu. I am trying to keep the focus on me and the 180, detaching, and GAL.

I mean no offense, but since BD, I have met a number of people with bipolar disorder and I guess the message they gave me was that bipolar disorder affects each person differently. Each person with bipolar disorder has different levels of impact, of coping skills, of treatment effectiveness, of support networks, of home environment, etc. So no matter what I read, I understand the source and I also understand that doesn't necessarily mean everyone with bipolar disorder always does or doesn't do certain things, behaviors, etc.