Advise? Don't text, don't call, and don't talk about any of this! It won't serve you in any way and also you may end up feeling worse about yourself! This is the anxious and insecure T reacting out of emotion. You feel out of control and so you are trying to control him. Strong and confident T would not bother with this. Also, you are paying a L, so just take that advise for now--she told you not to have any talks about this right? That is why you paying her.

"H, you have made it clear you are not interested in our M anymore."
--It serves NO ONE to tell him this. It just shows you are feeling weak and insecure. We ignore and don't care what he says about you or the M. Wahh whhaa whhhhaaaaa.

"I will not tolerate you going to Ow house, planning vacations, and disrespecting the boys and I. I want you out by Friday."
--Yes, he is cheating, he is a dirtbag, and this would drive me insane too! But T, you telling him that you know about OWs changes nothing! He will not think "uh oh, T knows, I better stop cheating." If he is cheating, he will do it anyhow. Again, this only makes you look weak and insecure. It shows you are focusing on his every move and want to control him.

Strong and confident T, where are you??? We need you back. Just one day at a time. Strong and confident T cannot be bothered with texting, nagging, or trying to control H. You are not together right now, and so you are not in a place to tell him what he can and can't do. I am sorry, it stinks! I know because I was there 3 years ago. And guess what? I did tell him and say all of the above to my H. Often! What did he do? He ran further away and further to OW, who was telling him how wonderful he is! Bleh.

This is what you can do: see the L (which you have) and then follow the advise. The advise is NOT TO TALK TO HIM. Your actions will speak louder than words. You know this. In the mean time, you can start thinking about an arrangement that ultimately would be best for you and the boys. This guy is a selfish POS, please stop pursuing him!

Hang in there. One day at a time. Breathe.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela