Finding my way in the dark - Part 2

[sandi2]

When I was filling IC in on our talk with the kids, and how W had zero emotional reaction, IC asked if W is on anti-depressants. I know she's taken them in the past, but I'm not aware that she's on any right now. She definitely could be, though. Is this common, for the WAS to try to dull the emotional pain with anti-depressants?

I can only give a personal opinion. I was on AD's, but I did not ask for them, and certainly not to dull emotions, b/c I already felt dead on the inside......which is another common thing we read about WW's. I do identify with the feeling, however, and how much AD's played a part....IDK. I believe it was more my frame of mind, than the meds. I am on a different type or brand of AD's now, and I haven't experienced the dulling effects.

I have a lot of anger right now. I'm angry with W for doing this, for being so selfish. I'm angry that 3 people have to suffer because of her. I'm angry that she's robbed me of the opportunity to teach my kids about the value of marriage.

FWIW, I think it is okay to feel the anger. It's part of the grieving and processing what's happening. I have encouraged LBH's to use some form of aggressive exercise (like hitting a boxer's heavy training bag) or running, or something to vent the anger.

Your boys are at an impressionable age (all ages are impressionable), and how this might affect their outlook on women or M, IDK. Some things need to be taken in very small doses, know what I mean? Letting them know that D was not what you wanted, is being honest with them. As they ask questions, try to talk age appropriate and without trashing their mother, the best you can....and still be honest.

You can still teach the boys the value of being a man of integrity. You can teach them loyalty, self respect, honor, and all the characteristics a good man needs to hold.

Let your S14 feel his anger, too. He will need a healthy way to vent, also. Both boys will. I am so sorry to see another family in pain, due to the actions of a WW.

I feel like I've emotionally backtracked on a lot of the GAL and emotional stability I've been working so hard on. This is all tied to telling the ki

The boys need you more than GAL right now. Spending time with them is more important. Maybe you can do activities with just the three of you that will get them away from the house a while. If I had had the forethought in time, I would have suggested telling the kids somewhere other than at the house. In the end, I guess it wouldn't matter.

S10 has started to blame himself for the divorce. Poor guy! I told him this is absolutely not his fault.

I would have him see the IC, without either of his parents. Kids will often talk to other adults more freely when parents aren't there. If S14 will go, I would encourage him to see IC on s separate session. He may reject the idea.