Not sure what I have

[Guzzard]

Thanks so much for your reply KGuy, I really appreciate the insight.

However the EA manifests, i think you need to have the same boundaries that are listed in the LBS threads i link above for taking her back. Treat the EA as descibed on here your W needs to have consequences illness or not. The hiding is the shame of the A, although a list of traits among Bipolars is that they are not honest. I don't believe that to be true, but the shame of the A would cause anyone to lie just as you see throughout this forum.

I am rereading it now. I realize I let boundaries slip earlier in the M because I "trusted" W and I was not well read on her mental health. W was not fully honest about a number of things...mental health or just a dishonest person, I don't know.

Curious about the Hobby, but its probably best not to post it...

You are right, it would be too revealing.

Promiscuity is one of the "symptoms" of the disorder and it is associated with the highs as you point out, so yeah it may wane out in the fall if she is season oriented.

W is seasonal. Like clockwork. We had other distractions the last few years in spring that I gave W a different outlet for some obsessiveness, but still OM/EA persisted. This was a boundary I let slip in the name of "trust" and poor education. W obsessive, cyberstalking (3) OM led to W contacting them and that crossed my boundary, but I didn't enforce it.

BTW, IMO thearapy is useless in this disorder with few exceptions. Thearapy only works if you are willing to take in what can be learned from the thearapist.

For the short amount of time W did it, it did seem to help and W took it in. In Winter she had deep depression with psychosis. Prescribed 1500mg of Seroquel. Knocked her out, but handled the acute event. It stands to reason since this was W lowest low ever that currently W is in highest high ever. I guess I only said therapy because they would prescribe the meds to help her stability and improve psychosis. I believe W discussed attraction to old OM and psychiatrist told her to terminate contact...so she quit both the meds and doc. Plus W has said she likes the manias which should have been a boundary because that is actually irresponsible and disrespectful to me, I believe.

Add to that, there is a stigma on this illness. This also goes with your relationship and is most likely why your W glossed over what issues she had with the disorder. What did your friends say?...cut your losses, right? Bipolars are generally dismissed once determined that they are bipolar.

Correct, everyone says cut my losses and run. W never really opened up about how it was affecting her, she did CBT and told me nothing I could do to help.

Your filing might actually trigger something as well, so reality may set in earlier because of that. Sometimes its not all boilogical. The trick for her is to be aware of what state she is in and act as necessary to counter it. However, that is her deal not yours.

I filed and W received the paperwork at her new apartment. It triggered some FB posts, but nothing else. W friends think W is just in super happy freedom mode (and who knows for sure anyway).

All i was saying earlier is perhaps read up on it to make yourself aware. Its way more than what you allude to that meds will solve their issue. Understand that meds only allievate symptoms, there is no cure for bipolar disorder.

I've spent several weeks reading up on it now. I wish I would have done that when first known, but I can't beat myself up on that because W downplayed it so much. I read that the meds basically just keep the highs/lows from extremes and help with psychosis but otherwise it is lifelong. It can worsen as more episodes occur if untreated. In W case, there is more than "just" bipolar, ex. unresolved childhood trauma (that is questionable whether it is real or perceived) that no meds will solve, only W can solve, and that needs help from a pro w/specific experience. It's too late now, but the other reason for a doc would have been so I would have access to the doc and some sessions to help regulate and monitor.

I could go on about bipolar, i've researched it quite heavily. Researching the bipolar issue is quite fascinating and could provide a distraction. It might not be the best distraction (but the same could be applied to this site), but i would think either way you go, you'd want as much knowledge as possible about what you are dealing with.

Please feel free to go on about it. It is helpful and interesting. I have been reading about it intently and it has provided a distraction. I am more able to read it now that the BD is a few weeks further away. It has not pushed me away or pulled me in because the fact is without a willing W, it doesn't matter.

Get your boat fully anchored and the end of the rope tied off before you go into that current. Thats the GAL and DB concept and i think that is the path you should follow. You are in my prayers.

Thank you, I appreciate it and all your comments. I really floundered for a few weeks and believe I am starting to get grounded. GAL and focusing on me has helped. I can't do anything about what W does.

Sometimes, part of the mood range of a bipolar is not feeling anything. This can be a benefit is such cases where the feelings could drag her under, but also a burden in that she can get confused as to what her true feelings are.

I spent the first few weeks trying to make sense of whether this was a result of mental health or true feelings. I now understand W probably doesn't even now either, so I've moved past trying to explain it. W is in a mode where I would say W currently feels nothing...everything is fake with her right now. I know it because I know W, her friends think W is a bundle of joy and happiness with no cares in the world. I am disappointed in one of her friends that is aware of her disorders, very bad advice came from this friend and I think encouraged the current state.

The only way your W will experience loss is if she expects you won't be there, that the whole LRT concept. It appears she knows this

Yes, I've been doing it all the last 4 weeks roughly.

Mood swings? LOL. Are we talking you or the W? Seriously, dealing with a bipolar is very difficult. most people would just walk away and who could blame them I guess. right now focus on yourself and ensure you are taken care of.

Lol, I readily admit being a bundle of moods myself for the first few weeks. I have been better lately. I do love my W, but yes, have to worry about what I can change/control which is me.

If you think that she just needs to be on meds and that with therapy will make her what you want, then quite frankly you are way over you head here and you should just bail. On the other hand, the W you once loved is there. You don't have a choice right now though, all you can do is take care of yourself and perhaps hope.

No, I've done the homework know and though I think I have much more to learn, I don't think meds and therapy solve it. I think there needs to be a comprehensive plan basically. Without too much detail, meds and therapy for her I think have to happen, but there has to be more open communication, better awareness, monitoring moods, tracking, ID'ing triggers, etc.

Thanks so much for all your insight. Feel free to post as much as you'd like on the disorder. I am all for learning.