Not sure what I have

[Guzzard]

Thanks for the reply. It is certainly head scrambling for me.

I have experienced the infatuation with W bipolar before. Originally I would have said it was harmless, but in hindsight it was a problem for me because W wasn't open about it and hid it. Three times W contacted different OMs. The first OM W stopped of her own accord, the second OM is old hobby M. The third is a new obsession that I think is new, but still in that hobby.

The hobby is a life long passion that always existed. The new twist is that through the hobby W has an EA (at least in her own mind) with OM. I really don't know, but I think OM is unaware. Since W pattern is older OM, the hobby is filled with them.

I believe the above to be related to W bipolar and manic states. They always start in Feb and always peak in May. However, this time W doesn't value me or the marriage to stop. W won't take meds or continue therapy because I believe therapy tells W to cut contact and due to hobby W won't. On this respect, I feel that I should cut my losses and move on. Without willingness for the right treatment or respect for me or the marriage, I can just expect more of it.

I'm not sure at this point where I am at. I feel that if I could get through to W and W could recognize the damage, the loss, the potential illness that this could get treated and turned around, so yes the lighthouse. On the other hand, my mood swings and right now this moment, I don't want to put up with it anymore.

I have gone no contact except divorce essentials, I am trying to detach, and I am GALing. I guess I am willing to give it a little more time, but otherwise I think I'm out. Each time I see W on divorce paperwork though, W pulls me back in.