Trying to detach from WTF world

[Treasur]

Ok, I'm back. Big brave girl pants worked. Needed them because I had to go to our old house and my parent's old house. It just hurts and after almost 2 years I'm tired of hurting.

Either God or my Dad intervened. I went to put flowers on my Dad's grave and my Uncle happened to be there. I had a shoulder to cry on because I just miss all three of them so much and I feel so alone sometimes. Like a child really; I just don't get how my loving H turned into someone who would want to be so cruel. Where did all that love and friendship go?

I'm struggling this week, I know. I'm doing the practical things I need to do, but sometimes I wonder if the pain will ever go away. I've been a teensy bit suicidal...not seriously as I was a few months ago when I had a plan...but just tired of hurting and tired of a life that feels so mad and not mine.