Okay, I think I what see what you are saying. So there is an element of her being self-centered that has always been there. Now at a time when you are asking for something simple, and very delicate, it is a trigger for you? Not only is this a big decision, but it is an emotional one, so perhaps you feel further rejected that she is not giving it the attention it deserves? Does it also trigger you that you are doing all of the work? You are only asking for her to add in info and she can't reliably do that.
There is something about your sitch that saddens me in a different way. All of our sitches are chalked full of rejection and heart ache, so that is not what I mean. I know she had the ea--the lies and betrayal--and then she didn't show remorse, initiate R talks, and she wasn't committed to the reconciliation, nor would she give up the fire station. I get that. I would (and do) definitely need those things too.
I still sense that even though she was entitled and turned away, that she hasn't fully given up on the M. I also see that you have been torn emotionally. I recall that you both somewhat came back together, however there wasn't much movement. It has also only been a year and some months right? It seems from the sitches here (my own included) that the time line can be so long, and sometimes several years.
I am not saying that you should wait and that you should not file for D. Not what I am saying. It is just that from my perspective, your M is one of the few on these boards that I see hope for in the future. Admittedly, it is partly my instinct and I don't know either of you IRL. ... Maybe you both could benefits from some changes too? What would she say about you?
I get this sense that you and I have some similarities. I know that there were some things about me that kept my H away for so long and it was not just the pull of OW. I am not saying that she is going to come back and ask to R if you make these changes, and I am not seeing that you are waiting for that, but I do wonder what she would say.
Could she think you would punish her for her mistakes for the rest of her life? Does she think you will never forgive her and love her as you used to? Does she feel suffocated in the M (or simply at this time in her life) and need more freedom? Does she find you to be impatient or controlling?
I don't know her side and I never will. I just see ambivalence from both of you and short time frame.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
