ILYBINILWY - OW - what to do next 3

[Parkema]

Hi SJ,

You’ve come such a long way well done.

'Hope you all have a nice day. Just want to get on with you babe sorry about yesterday'
I really don’t know what to advise here has its never happened to me.

On these boards it mentions temperature checking and him touching base to see if you’re still a viable option if the A goes sour, but if he gets a positive response from you here I’m told he’ll probably see this as “hey I can go back to her any time I like, this is great I can have the AP/LO AND my W..” How long do you think he will carry this on for?

I feel you are overtaking me regarding working through the stages of limerence as I see what you have put in place is having a major impact to his life, I envy you and congratulate you. Please don’t backslide when he puts all this pressure back onto you remember IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
You are quite right in that he will have a very limited support structure to go to as us men don’t tend to be as open with other men so he will have only 2 options.
1. Come to you for support whilst having all the benefits of an AP/LO in tow.
2. Go to the AP/LO for support, this is a GOOD thing! A’s remain successful due to the lack of responsibility that’s involved, they basically live a life of absolute ease BUT when one has to face the realities of finances and day-to-day issues such as somewhere to live it burst the fantasy bubble. Do you think the AP/LO will support him through all this?
Once he sees there is little she wants in him that she faces normally and the R starts to experience these kinds of pressures the cracks start to drive the wedge between them and they get further and further apart until SNAP the fantasy is gone. What next?

I’ve a feeling he will pursue you a lot more going forward BUT to see if you remain a viable second choice, don’t be second choice. I think you know what you need from him to bring him back to the M and you must stick to that, continue to do what you’re doing and remain detached from him it’s having an impact.
Look after your kids but it seems they’re looking after you and that’s great mine are the same and it amazes me with the amount of wisdom that comes from them. Its true Dr’ing thinking with a beginner’s mind and I listen to them as much as I can.

Well done and take care.

Mark.