It gets better a little at a time without you noticing. But only if you don't pick the scab. Taking pictures of him off the wall and replacing them with ones that bring you joy are an important first step. The others will come to you as you move through the process. But it really does get better. Better than you would ever believe.
I don't know how you can see all the people here cheering you on, and the great colleagues at your work/school, and your supportive parents (even if sometimes they're hard to listen to) and all the friends you clearly have, and the wonderful extended family, and think that you or your boys are disposable. That you would take all that evidence of how wonderful and precious the four of you are and weigh that against your H's evidence and decide that HIS is the evidence that counts. That baffles me. That's where your head needs to start lecturing your heart: His evidence is not worth as much as the evidence of the 100+ people cheering you on, so give it the weight it deserves. If he was someone you could respect, then MAYBE it would be worth talking about whether you were as awful as he said, but really, what about him is worth looking up to? And why would you hang your self-worth on the opinion of someone you can't respect?
You don't suck. Not even a little bit. But please apply your enormous determination and willpower to making a great life for yourself, not to hanging on to this person who you wouldn't even be friends with if you met him today.
Keep moving, T, you have no idea how wonderful the view is on the other side. It's like living in Oz instead of Kansas.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
