What should I be doing now? (Filing for D soon)

[Coconut]

Blu, I respect and appreciate your opinion... I know you have a lot of understanding in matters of the heart, definitely more than me, and I also know that it's often times easier to see the forest when looking from outside of the trees. So I hesitate to respond, because I question if I'm missing the big picture, but I'm going to write my reasons (aka excuses) and hopefully writing it out and going back and reading it later may help me see it better.

YOU are telling her that you are filing for D and then telling her she is disrespectful for her response (lack there of). Why are you telling her that and what will that change for you?

I feel that not responding, or even acknowledging, that she received the text was disrespectful. I feel that if I'm going to interact with her in the future, as my sons mother, that she should know I expect to be treated with respect. It would have sufficed to say "I need to think about it, I will get back to you later", and I would have waited without issue.

This is a woman who doesn't consider others almost at all. For example if we were invited to her mothers for dinner at 5, she would run an hour or two late, and never let her mother know she's running late or when she would arrive.. In this case, I'm filling out papers that we both agreed on, and I needed three very simple pieces of information, she could of easily given it immediately, and if she needed time, she could of said that.

And, why is it disrespectful for her not to respond?

i guess we'll have to disagree on this, I told her I was going to send her the info I needed, things that could be answered in 5 minutes, and to wait 4 days with no response is disrespectful to me, she knew I needed that info to finish the form. Look, it's not like as soon as I fill out the form were going to be divorced, I'm going to send it to her and she'll have almost two months to go to the courthouse and sign it, then I'll need to go sign it when I get down there.

If my H and I were separated and he texted me he was going to D me, I probably wouldn't reply either. You know what I would do? Call my trusted people and do some processing. Also, I would lawyer up and make sure I made the right moves. Texting him would not be first on my agenda! And that would be my right and my choice.

. I first told her I was going to file 6 months ago, she's had plenty of time to do all of that. She asked me if we could just do it this way, without lawyers and just sign and file ourselves.

Then, she gives you a very (more than) reasonable response and it's still not good enough for you! C-nut, maybe this is hard for her too! She is saying she is sorry, that she is processing this, she is telling you she will get you the info, and then she says she is not trying to disrespect you. What more do you want from her?!?

I was fine with her response, just ignoring it is what I feel is disrespectful.. Btw, she didn't give me the info yesterday like she said she would.

You are not in a R with her--you are separated--she doesn't owe you anything. Could it be that because she wronged you with her A, and didn't work to fix the M, that you now feel owed something?

Unless she wants to involve lawyers (which she asked me not to do) she owes me the information I need to fill out this easy, cheap form. I don't feel she owes me anything for blowing up our M, I really don't want anything to do with her.

"The old you," really? This here is not the old you? Because I am finding you to be emotional, reactive, and looking to blame shift here. You even say she is a "cold hearted B." Why? Where in this exchange does that happen?

There were a lot of passive agressive, mean things I wanted to say to her. I put up with her complete lack of respect for me when we were M, I'm not going to do it anymore. The cold hearted B comment had nothing to do with the exchange, the exchange just got me thinking about her, and that's what I think of her in the big picture.

What could she have done and said in this text exchange--where you are the one telling her you want D--that would be to your satisfaction? You know what I think? (yeah, I am gonna tell you anyway). I think you are initiating the D process and telling her in hopes of some reaction--some type of remorse--and not because you are detached and ready to move on with your life. And I think it has only been a year or so, it is still too soon, and you are not even ready! ... it doesn't seem she is ready either ... but I have also been saying this all along ...

no matter how long I wait the D is going to be painful, I don't see any reason to bring the pain up in another year instead of just doing it now and moving on. I really don't see D as an end to all possibilities (not that I ever see me wanting back together), it's pretty cheap and easy to get M without the party.

Why do you have me so worked up? Sorry. I need a time out ...

Blu

because you want the best for me and see me making, what you consider mistakes, and I have a hard head to get through to.

Ps- I did this on my iPad and all the quotes took a long time to do, so some of my answers were to the point to speed it along.