And, MLC, I am sorry, but I really find your posts kind of relentlessly negative and demoralizing. Sandi beats me up and hits me with the occasional 2x4, but it is just somehow... different. I am sure you are trying to help, which of course I appreciate, but... doesn't seem all that helpful, and potentially harmful.
Maybe it is timing and how the poster feels when they write, and how the receiver feels when reading it. Actually, you are the first person I have ever known to hint anything less than glowing appreciation for 25yrsmlc posts. Honestly, I can't help but find a little humor here, and I hope she will, too. For years, everyone has seen her posts as being so uplifting and talk about how encouraged she made them feel............but Sandi's were negative, too tough, etc. . I understand that it's not humorous to you, but I hope you won't mind. 25yrsmlc and I go back a few years, so she'll get what I mean.
Actually, I think we see personalities in the posts we read here on the board. I wish I had the gift of uplifting and encouragement, but in the meantime...... I try to give insight where I think I can help.....and mainly, wayward wives. If 25yrsmlc sounds a little tougher these days, I'd say it could possibly be due to her personal situation. Ten years ago, her H walked away to pursue a life in Alaska.....but there was no OW. They reconciled, and 25yrsmlc was a shinning example, and frankly, raised the bar for most LBS's (especially in GAL).
Ten years pass and her H enters his second childhood, or has another MLC.....I don't know.......but, this time there was/is another woman involved. He has caused incredible pain for his family (as I'm sure you can identify with that type of hurt) I don't know how to word this the way I want it to sound......but here goes. The display of unconcern; the neglect; the utter selfishness; and the bazaar behavior of a wayward spouse is bad enough to endure. When betrayal is added to that mix, I think (for some LBS's) it gives a tougher point of reference, when they offer advice to a fellow board member. Don't misunderstand what I mean by "tougher", b/c 25yrs has never been any slouch. As someone once told me, there is no other pain quiet like the type that comes from betrayal. Those wise LBS's who are futher down the road from your own situation, can see things in your situation that is too close and painful for you.
When she reads your response, I hope she will smile and think to herself, "Wow, this is a switch, it's usually Sandi's feedback that people don't like".
Seriously Jim, you are wanting to hear good things, and that's understandable, but please do not discredit the advice of any woman who has been on the board for a lengthy time, b/c she's probably here to support. Women can tell you things about your W that she (your W) would NEVER tell you.......b/c men can't figure out women. Women are too complex, and men don't have a clue! You would be wise to take to heart and learn from a woman who is telling you how women operate. Cadence sent you a post that gave insight to women. Did you take it seriously, or shake it off b/c it wasn't what your feelings needed at the time? And I am not beating you up, I'm just trying to inform.
Some of us have a sense of humor. Some of us have tender and soothing words of comfort. Some of us speak from experience, and some are just learning. Some give hope and words of encouragement, and some just shoot from the hip. Some sound like angels, and some not so angelic. Most are LBS's, and a few are WAS. Just remember the common thread that ties this community together.
Hang in there, Jim.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
. I understand that it's not humorous to you, but I hope you won't mind. 25yrsmlc and I go back a few years, so she'll get what I mean.
