WW in A. NC promise broke. Separation? (5th thread

[hoosjim]

If your worried about thinking your W not taking this serious, then being served with divorce papers will snap her back into reality. Then she'll truly realize how bad she messed up.

Tread, right now I don't have any definitive plans to serve divorce papers on her. I just want to know what my options are and what I should/shouldn't be doing (like NOT moving out) in order to preserve my rights. That is why I was wondering out loud if it might be good for her to "find out" that I am talking to a lawyer.

Right now, my immediate next step, barring some "come to Jesus moment" from her, which doesn't appear to likely-- she was still talking in fairly rebellious, self-justifying terms yesterday-- will be to get her to move out of MBR and then out of house. I have already told her several times I "dont want her around" or "dont want to be near her" or "dont want her sleeping in MBR with me". Last night I reclaimed the MBR for myself but, since it was cleaned off, she insisted on sleeping in there, too. I told her I wanted her out, but she stayed, cried a bit, and kept trying to explain herself in same terms as before: "Im handling this the best I can... I was getting closer and closer to cold turkey and now I have... You hurt me so badly and I suffered so much for all those years and it has only been these six months for you... I needed to do this MY way, not by your rules (As in my boundary of absolutely no contact), etc. etc." I "listened" a bit, but told her a several times I did not want to and was not going to talk about our relationship any more. I finally just ignored her and went to sleep. Guess I'll have to be more of jerk tonight. I could always put a lock on the MBR door, but not sure that's strictly legal.

I have to say that, in general, I feel like I am in a better place than I have been to this point in many respects. I am better, stronger, more physically fit, with more of a "life", and I am pretty much fully aware what a wayward cheater my W has become. Eyes open. I also feel like, should she "Come around", that I have a much, much better chance of having her want to reconcile than I would have had I just dropped the hammer on her in January when I found out about the A. I know the theory goes that "the ealier the better" and "they have to experience loss" but, back in January, losing me would not have been much of a loss. Heck, it wouldnt have been ANY loss. Back then, we weren't even what you would call "friends" and I personally had NO life. Now, other than my MR, I have a GREAT life and, despite the painfulness and potentially counterproductive nature of our positive interactions, my wife now knows and has seen firsthand that I am someone only a fool would let get away. And that simply wasn't the case back in january... quite the opposite. I know the WW mindset keeps her from acting on this now, BUT... if/when she is hit with the "I could lose something" hammer to her head, it is going to be a MUCH bigger hammer now than it was in January. The only question is WON her respect for me has become so buried that there will be no resurrecting it.