I know I suck, I am stupid for wanting this man, I KNOW!
Trust me, if I could take a magic pill to not feel this way about him I would. I am fighting reality that I am so DISPOSABLE to someone. That our boys are DISPOSABLE.
That he can hurt the people who love him most.
How he can be with someone else and not think about me and not give two you know what's about me.
And then to hear from every single person in my life he is never coming back. That this is the sandwich I am forced to eat like it or not.
I am going to file. I know I have to, I told the L I wanted to finish my school tomorrow, spend the last couple days of this week with the kids and would call her Monday at the latest to proceed. I've already paid to file.
When the heII does it get better? When do I stop being so hurt and so emotionally involved? I removed our family pictures today from the picture frames and replaced them with ones of the boys because it hurts so much to look at that stuff.
It hurts to just be so disposable. To feel so damn rejected as a person that is here that loves him so much and is caring for our boys while hes out parading around living this grandiose life.
Moral of the story I am going to file. I know that's what I have to do. I won't let my heart get in the way of potentially hurting my boys.
