WHAT ON EARTH ABOUT THIS MAN DO YOU WANT TO KEEP???
If he did a 180 right now and said, "Baby, I was wrong, everything we have is wonderful" would you REALLY TRUST HIM?
Do you want your sons to grow up to treat women the way he treats you, because you are showing them that behaving this way to a loved one is OK, she'll take him back. Is that what you want for them, or do you want them to be adults who make adult choices and who can look themselves (and you!) in the eye and feel self-respect?
You are paying a good lawyer good money to be your advocate. DO NOT SQUANDER THAT. Do as she says. NOTHING YOUR H SAYS IS RELEVANT. This would be true even if he hadn't dissipated marital assets on foolishness.
Why do you worry about pushing HIM away? Because he told you you were? You sound like the survivor of Stockholm Syndrome. He blameshifted onto you and you're taking it. Why would you do that???
You're not going to snap out of it, so please just stop listening to your heart and start listening to your head.
I'm sorry to be so frank but just when I think you're making progress you go straight back into wishing for him back. Be angry, be hurt, grieve, and all that, but for pete's sakes do what your lawyer tells you and STOP ENGAGING WITH HIS NONSENSE.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
