Trying to stay above water

[25yearsmlc]

if he's saying nothing will change if he comes home, I would NOT ask or probe ther. You don't want to corner him. The more you challenge his choices, the more he will feel forced to defend them, and then cement them. Make sense?

But yes I would see that "if I come home", as an opening for you to model the changes you want to make.

You can simply say that "if you had it all to do over again, you'd do many things differently."

That's not a doormat statement but it does show awareness of the need to change & willingness to do so.

As for GAL, I applaud any and all. My personal suggestion is to meet new people who don't know your m situation, which is stimulating and gets your mind OFF the m.

Maybe do something that you either always wanted to do but never got around to, or an old fun thing you have not done in a long time.

I've always been glad to have done this^^.

It's just that the inertia to stay in our caves and old ways, can be powerful, so we have to overcome that and we have to overcome the resistance to change.

See, even though we can know from others what NOT to do in times of conflict and heated emotions (like from our parents)

unless we replace those negative "do NOT do" behaviors, with

new positive ways of coping in healthy manner, we tend to resort to what we know when we are confronted with painful conflict.

And the cycle continues. But the cycle can be broken.

((( )))


Hang in there