Same Sitch. New Approach... Feeling Good (part 2)

[Chris73]

Thanks for your post, Joseph. Sometimes it really helps to BE validated while I'm trying to do all the validating!

These days I'm finding that I'm not as detached as I'd like to be (or thought I was). My emotions fluctuate rapidly throughout the day. GAL stuff keeps me from staying in a funk for too long, but I still spend a lot of time in monkey brain mode dissecting my W's words and actions.

From my perspective it seems like everything with her is an afterthought. For example, my W used to pride herself on obsessing over finding the "perfect" gift for everyone. These days I notice that she just pops on Amazon at the last minute, or forgets entirely.

Her selfishness has taken over and my struggle is trying to step away and watch it happen. I know I have no other option. I can't tell her all the ways she's being selfish. Coming from me she would just laugh in my face and pull even further away. She's still going to IC (has been for over a year now) but I think she still has a long way to go.

Meanwhile, life goes on for the rest of us. Now that our separation is common knowledge, I've had a few conversations with people who offer their support. It's so hard not to throw my wife under the bus, but they usually don't ask for details and I try to be vague. To this day I have only told one person about BD/A/OM1 and the subsequent OM2 that I believe she still continues to see have an EA/PA with.

...although, now that we're separated, is it even considered an affair? It would be for me because I still consider myself to be a married man. But if the marriage is over in her heart, perhaps she thinks dating/sex with other men is ok. I don't know.

Anyway, no there has not been a single mention of divorce since her last spew session back in May. Since then we've had 3 sessions with the M&F counselor, but they've all been focused on our kids. We rarely talk about anything other than parenting logistics.

I have no desire to bring up the topics of divorce or mediation, but the living arrangement we have now can't go on much longer. It was the best option for our kids, but eventually we need to transition into two separate living spaces. There's still a bit of cake eating on her part but I know she's feeling the strain too. Trying to live in two places isn't easy.

The final point to bring up is that she's currently dealing with a cancer scare. So far the testing has not revealed anything malignant. But she's still concerned and has more testing lined up.

Ending this post on a GAL update:

* I have an appt tonight for floatation therapy. I highly recommend it!

* I power washed half the house yesterday. Other half tomorrow.

* I ordered a bunch of stuff to further customize my office into a meditation space.

* Tomorrow is national IPA day and I'm working from home, so I will go out for lunch and have a couple of world class beers.

* I'm off on Friday. Planning a morning trip to a local theme park and riding a few coasters before the crowds show up.

* Saturday I'm going to the Panorama music fest in NYC to see my favorite band Tame Impala