I had a rough night with the baby up every 1-2 hours. Believe it or not he's cutting a tooth... my boys never got teeth until 5-6 months old so it's odd seeing an almost 3 month old drooling so much and he's not coordinated enough to hold a teething ring or anything.
I am going to go back to all of your posts and try to address each of you and your thoughts so if I miss someone it's not intentional.
But before I type that long post I'm going to put this out there because I was thinking A L O T last night, probably too much for my own good. Filing D for me feels like giving up. Like I am in agreement with his choices. I get it that I have no other option and this is what he wants. I hope that in time I will accept that I had no other choice. I REALLY am struggling with feeling like *I* could have done something different, that *I* pushed him away like he says, and that things would have been okay if I would have just left him alone. My heart is telling me things could have been okay if I would have just not said anything all those months. I know it doesn't matter but I am beating myself up over it.
Secondly, do any of you think I should try and have a conversation with H to see if he is willing to agree on support and visitation and then offer to have it legally drawn up? Or do you all really think it's best just to have him served out of nowhere? I just know serving him is going to create mass chaos. We have all my hospital bills coming in that he is trying to pay plus our taxes and other bills. I know he is very stressed about that and so far he's been paying everything. He bought the new dryer the other night and took care of that. I am NOT by any means sticking up for him because this is all his responsibility. I am just I guess playing devils advocate if I should give him the opportunity to agree to paying/childcare before just having him served out of nowhere. Last time we talked he knew I didn't want D and I feel like it's being calculating... which he has been this entire time.
I went out to the living room this morning to find he had wrote down a list of all the bills he pays and conveniently left it out on the table for me. This is because last night I reminded him the electric was past due (I normally pay) and I said I had paid half and the other half was due.
Okay, so I guess I'm just looking for everyone's opinions on those things.
And when should I have the conversation about moving out, after I've filed but before he's served? I feel like I am losing my mind not knowing what the heII to do and so afraid of doing the wrong thing. I'm just not ready for what's about to come, I recognize that.
And in the conversation if he tries to bite back about not being able to afford to move out... where do I go with that? Because I know that's going to come. I was thinking of H, this is a decision you wanted. It is not in my best interest or the boys to be here with you coming late at night and being disrespectful with your involvement with other women while remaining in our family home --- and end it there.
Can someone just provide me the manual on how to do these things? lol
