ILYBINILWY - OW - what to do next 3

[SJW]

Hi Mark

The fact that he has hurt my children in the worst possible way has put me in a much different place. I always knew they came first but now it is all about them and I am doing everything in my power to keep things 'normal'. It is different as I'm not working which they have never had, they're used to Daddy not being around so it's manageable only problem is he keeps popping up.

He's been so angry with me since Monday and anything and everything is my fault. I've managed to hold my tongue so far but there's only so much you can take when none of this is my fault. I have even backed down on the weekend he said he would have the kids and then reneged on because it really doesn't matter to me that much to have it thrown in my face and I just can't be bothered I've got more important things to do. He has nobody, literally nobody but OW he tells me he's not going to sneak around and hide things but hasn't even told his Mum.

I do prefer this angry disappointed feeling to the one not being able to get out of bed and I do intend to do everything I am doing for me and the kids. I do want my M but this man that he has become.

My DO questioned me about Monday nights conversation last night. She had told nanny in the morning that Daddy was going to be working more but we weren't separated. She asked me if we had had an argument and were splitting up, I asked if she hadn't understood what was said and she said not really. I explained that adults sometimes have to make choices for themselves that didn't always make everyone else happy, that Daddy loved her and S very much but he didn't want to live with Mummy anymore. She asked if that was what I wanted, I said no but Daddy is a grown up and that's his choice. Her response,8 years old....."Well that's a bit selfish" I think I have very perceptive 8 year old.

I've asked him to meet for coffee publicly this afternoon before seeing the kids so we can try and have a conversation about the holidays without him having a go at me. He's running late so not sure if this is going to happen and then he'll have a go at me about not talking??

I feel like he needs me as his support and friend because he has nobody else but he also hates me for that. When I tell him that he needs to talk to someone else because he basically sacked me from that role when BD'd (I don't say that bit to him)he gets all nasty and calls me controlling??

I think the reality isn't quite what he thought it was going to be and I will just continue to get on with my life with my amazing children and support network for me and for them. We have lots to look forward to and he will miss out as he already has.