This actually some great advice. I guess my W wants more excitement in her life, but all she does is sit in front of the tv or computer. And this is a person who claims that she will be better off without me. But yet I am the one going out and doing so much now. You are definitely right about the 180 changes and GAL being things that should regain the respect of the WW.
And I am glad that you brought up that doing all this work will place us in an odd position. Talking with my IC yesterday, I admitted to feeling much better about myself. And all the activities I was getting into. Mentioned that my W seemed like she wasn't even worth the trouble. And that didn't want her to ruin the things I had going on.
Felt bad about saying that, but it just seems that I am outgrowing my W. And realizing that the things I am are things she would never join in or in the pastbhas discouraged me from doing.
This actually some great advice. I guess my W wants more excitement in her life, but all she does is sit in front of the tv or computer. And this is a person who claims that she will be better off without me. But yet I am the one going out and doing so much now. You are definitely right about the 180 changes and GAL being things that should regain the respect of the WW.
And I am glad that you brought up that doing all this work will place us in an odd position. Talking with my IC yesterday, I admitted to feeling much better about myself. And all the activities I was getting into. Mentioned that my W seemed like she wasn't even worth the trouble. And that didn't want her to ruin the things I had going on.
Felt bad about saying that, but it just seems that I am outgrowing my W. And realizing that the things I am are things she would never join in or in the pastbhas discouraged me from doing.
Talking with my IC yesterday, I admitted to feeling much better about myself. And all the activities I was getting into. Mentioned that my W seemed like she wasn't even worth the trouble. And that didn't want her to ruin the things I had going on.
This is the exact point when the worm really turned for me. I realized that she was no prize. Not in her current state. Sitting around on her computer talking to losers, getting wasted a lot. I had WAY more positive things going for myself and realized I didn't want her messing that up.
Don't feel bad about that. That prevailing attitude from you will be picked up by her and she will probably respond to it. She's going to realize that you are, in fact, a prize. A prize that she had but is in grave danger of losing or has already lost.
All in all you're doing very well. Keep up the GAL. Do anything and everything you want. Just make sure they are things that help you grow, make you happy, and are a positive influence in your life. Depression will disappear and your confidence will soar. You're doing great. Stay the course!!!
Coming from you, I know that I am on the right path. I just didn't want to walk around with the feeling of being better than W. Thanks for the advice once again.
I am glad something I wrote was great advice In many ways I need strength in knowing that what I am doing is right. I am deviating from what some on her recommend but whatever happens I can walk away with my head high. And my W's actions towards me reinforce that what I am doing is appreciated. Maybe it enables her but that is on her.
In your situation it seems it is different. But in my eyes being nice and kind to someone that may not deserve it adds to YOUR value as a human being. Don't be a doormat but I think show her what she is walking away from.
IF she is depressed or dealing with other inner demons she may also not want to continue hurting you and (of course her actions NOW hurt you). So being the light house I think could work. But at the same time if you feel you have outgrown her OR that you cannot go on with her in the same place then asking her to move out is not wrong.
And you know. To repeat what I said: maybe you being nice opens her up and you add a little bit of positivity each day.
Alright, S13 is out of town for the week as of yesterday afternoon. So now it's just W and myself at the house. After work went running with my running group and didn't get home until 8:30. After that went to the garage and worked out for another hour. During this time W was on the phone with her sister. And by the time I finished W had gone to bed early.
This morning W was very talkative asking about my workout and how my day was. We also discussed how her day went. She even discussed cooking dinner tonight. I am wondering if I should just continue doing what I am doing or should at least event maybe to hangout one night. No date, but maybe go out for drinks and shoot some pool.
Ironically we actually looked forward to S13 getting to the point we felt comfortable to send him off for a week. Now that we're finally here we're not in the place in our MR to enjoy the alone time.
Tread: this is one of those follow your gut moments (in my eyes). If the interaction is pleasant go cook together especially if you have never cooked together. It doesn't have to lead to romance but it might.
Day 2 went well. W and I made dinner together. And actually had a great conversation and laughed a lot about a number of different subjects. Went out to GAL with some folks after work before all this happened. As for detaching, mentally and from prior actions I'm ready to let her go. But when W is in my face being friendly and wanting to talk. I find myself listening and validating, which kinds of takes away from detaching.
Who knows maybe the nice interactions with each other keep increasing. But your mindset that you're ready to let her go should be a level of comfort for you that will keep you focused.
I find myself listening and validating, which kinds of takes away from detaching.
I still listen and validate XW, she was just over a couple of nights ago griping about work and I listened and validated. It can absolutely be done with detachment. You're probably struggling because you are still very early in your sitch at 3 months. You may feel like you're starting to get a handle on your emotions but they will still be all over the place for months yet. Just be patient with yourself. When you can listen and validate with detachment, that is a good sign you're well and truly dropping the rope.
In many ways I need strength in knowing that what I am doing is right. I am deviating from what some on her recommend but whatever happens I can walk away with my head high. And my W's actions towards me reinforce that what I am doing is appreciated. Maybe it enables her but that is on her.