Trying to detach from WTF world

[Treasur]

Yesterday was the first day I have felt hatred and anger. And back to anxiety, mostly about money. Gosh, this dropping the rope stuff purges a lot of emotion, doesn't it?

I didn't marry someone knowing they were a coward, a liar and a cheat. Or that I was a gullible trusting fool who would let my beliefs about M and who my H really drag me to my knees in a painful limbo of indecision for over a year. But both of these things are true.

I think my goals are different now. I think I don't know who my H is or if he ever was the decent man I thought he was. I think I deserve way better than this crazy destructive s**t. I don't want to reconnect with what he is now and I don't believe in him enough to even make the effort. I just want the D done and to look back at this awful time in the rear view mirror. My L is good but I am dealing with a situation where - for whatever reason - my STBXH is not responding to L's letters, not dealing with the practicalities of house/possessions etc and really dragging things out. And when he does respond via his L, he tells stupid lies or ignores questions he doesn't want to answer. The next logical step, having exhausted all the other sensible ones, is to take it to Court and on the 15th August, that is what I will have to tell my L to do. The disadvantages? It will drag us into an expensive 6-18 month process and delay finalising the D. For me, that means a delay in getting some financial stability, spending money we don't have and still being connected to him. For him? The same plus will prevent him marrying OW if that is his intention.

Would really welcome any ideas? Bearing in mind that a) he filed in Jan and it took him until June to produce even partial financial disclosures, b) I am currently NC and have recently refused his invite to 'chat' and c) he is still in treatment for severe depression which he also used as a reason for ignoring me for over a year so silence and avoidance are his favourite go-to approaches. Don't need or want to speculate on what is in his head (who would want to go there?) but it would be good to avoid mutual self-assured legal destruction if possible. Anyone else found a way to do that with someone who looks like a paid up MLC club member?