As for the finality aspect regarding your filing for D, you know better. How do you explain when folks who get divorced get remarried? How do you explain people who pull the divorce before it's final to try to make it work?
You're taking a big step of standing up for yourself and how you deserve to be treated and I'm proud of you for that. I understand why it might feel scary, when your focus for so long has been keeping H happy with you.
I'm, again, not understanding why you feel like you need to tell him that you "know" and that you're "not dumb." Honestly, what is that about? Dig deep and ask yourself what you think you're accomplishing, because I don't think we're following.
Do you think that you can control someone's actions with words? Do you think any WH is going to say "Oh no, she knows what I'm doing. Obviously she thinks I'm dishonorable and that this isn't sensible. You know what? She's right." That reliably happens zero percent of the time.
Your H wants justification that he's doing the right thing. You don't see it, but your drive to prove something to him just gives him ammunition to justify what he's doing. Nope, you're calm, cool, and collected T. Let your limited words and limited actions show him that you're slipping away out of his control.
T, he's gone and what you say doesn't matter to him like it once did. You want to control him more now, but your words have less power. You accomplish nothing letting your WH know that you "know", other than giving him the negative attention he wants from you. So, instead, let your actions speak for you. He'll pay attention to those.
Great job with the L. I thought you could file for support/visitation separately from D, but if D is what you feel you need to pursue, go for it.
Your parents seem like lovely people, but I have to say that what you tell us they say to you frustrates me, somewhat. Here they are, sitting like the devil and the angel on your shoulders, whispering things that are not helping their anxious daughter's struggles. One gives you dire warnings, and the other wants you to be "nicer" to H, and no one is looking at what this actually does to T.
I really wish they'd stop airing their opinions of what it all "means" and just start supporting and validating you, because that's what you need. You don't need more speculation about H and what he's thinking and what it all "means". Those play upon your fears and anxieties and I don't think it's productive.
No one is annoyed with you, T. This was a hard day for you. We come back to your threads because we care and we know you need some guidance. Don't confuse constructive criticism with criticism; I haven't seen a single person post to you that wasn't coming from a caring place.
There is something about you that draws us to you, T. You're a courageous, vulnerable, and lovable person. Please start believing those things about yourself. You've got this.
P.S. I don't understand why he's texting you about the dates he's out of town a month from now. I see it as pursuit on his part. I don't say that to get your hopes up, but I don't get why he needed to text you that a month in advance. It seems odd. I might understand it if he was trying to schedule a trip for the boys (as you also expected), but that wasn't it.
