Thanks so much for your advice. I'm so glad I found this site. DH did go get tested at PP. He still works at the same company, and so does the OW. I didn't ask him to leave the company for financial reasons. He changed departments last year and got promoted. That's when he said he met the OW. He was definitely depressed, and started drinking and smoking again.
I was the one who asked for counseling. I know that I have issues that I need to work on, too. Some of the things he said were valid. I did withdraw completely last year in response to his behavior. I'm disabled with chronic pain. It's easy for me to become a hermit sometimes, and that was exactly what I did. I was horribly depressed myself. I was barely functioning. In a way, his bomb dropping woke me up. I'm taking classes, trying to see if I can possibly work again, even part-time. I do need to go to counseling just for me.
H:44 W:46 M: 26 years in Nov DS: 18 01/2017 ILYBINILWY still technically together H: MLC
