thanks for reaching out at the advice. Wounded - my mom ordered a new lock set but I am waiting to do this per legal advice.
I saw a L today, going to file for D. paid a partial retainer just to get it filed and get the emergency support court dates set. I told her to give me a few days to finish the semester, spend some time with the kids before I go back to work next week, and next week I will get her all the information, that my heart needs to catch up with my brain and absorb everything.
She wants me to file, have him served, and not tell him it's coming. So that's my plan. She said i should have a conversation with him that is light and does not make him think I have retained legal advice. Something along the lines of H, this isn't working for either of us right now and I think it would be best for everyone if you were found your own living arrangements. I would like you out by next Friday, I will be changing the locks at that point.
I will be getting more money based on figures than he is paying now. She is very matter of fact and no BS... and she said H is obviously going to come out ahead because he makes a lot more money than he did coming into the relationship but that she knows I will be good in the long run.
I was doing good today until I got a text from H and I realize I am not detached enough.
H; I am going to my parents Wed Aug 24 to Mon Aug 29. M: Are you taking the boys? H: No, they have school H: I was planning on going by myself this time and I will take them the following month up there for my bday weekend M: Ok, it is okay if they miss school if they want to go. H: Well now I'm not even sure if I'm going to go, plus I don't have a lot of money so I may not go and since I don't have a lot of money I won't be doing anything fun.
I didn't reply. I know what he's doing. He bought concert tickets for a big country star (Who we see EVERY year for our anniversary together) and going for the concert. He is not going to stay with his parents. I wanted to SCREAM. I am SO SO SO sick of this. I am sick of feeling like this. That he is just free as a bird to go sleep with and engage in relationships with whomeever he wants while I'm left to pick up the pieces of our life and care for our children.
I really don't know anymore. I feel so so lost. I feel back at square one and I know it's just an overwhelming day with lack of sleep from last night, feeling like I screwed last night up, being gone all day at school and then spending 2.5 hours in the lawyers office. I am overwhelmed.
My heart and brain are fighting each other. I feel like this is it, once I file he's gone forever and I am eliminating all chances of him coming back.
And yes yes yes, I know he *IS* gone and I know filing is a piece of paper. But like my family has said me ignoring him and leaving him alone has allowed him to act even more crazy. He hasn't once gone to another woman's house until lately, and then coming and going with no communcation. Also no texting me asking about dinner or that he's on his way here. I mean it's worse and worse each week more and more distance.
He's doing exactly what he did last time, vacations, concerts all with his new GF... I mean there apparently is many more than 1. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around that this is what he wants.
I am spiraling down into these thoughts, which I recognized would happen after seeing the L because it's a harsh reality of what is about to come.
I just want to know there is hope he is going to change his mind. I am so heartbroken that he can go and be intimate on all levels with another woman while I am at home with our boys and newborn.
I wish you all could meet with me IRL and shake some sense into me.
So please don't get frustrated with me. I am having a really bad day. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. THe L today said she has no idea how I'm doing this all and she told me there is a special place for people like my H. Good news is she said it won't take 90-120 days. She said we will have a court date within 30 days. She said she will offer him to continue to pay what he is paying or we can go in front of a judge and he risk paying more.
So tonight should I have this conversation with him? Should I ask to meet somewhere outside of the home? I think tonight it may seem like I am having the conversation out of retaliation of him going to visit his family and not taking the kids. I can wait until tomorrow night depending what you guys think is best.
And just say, like cadence said,
H, you have left and made it clear you do not want to be married anymore. It's time we set a schedule for childcare. I am not comfortable with you sleeping on the couch especially coming in late at night. I hope that you will find a suitable environment to take the boys to. Until you do, you can have the boys every other weekend and can return them here to sleep at night.
Question is, Do I go ahead and drop the bomb of everything I know or wait til a later time? I struggle with needing to tell him I know about this concert and that it's the exact same behavior as last time.
I am so sick of my dad telling me that I need to stop acting like there's a chance he's coming back. That he was never coming back since I found out about the flowers.
It is so discouraging to hear and really hurts me that nobody in my life has hope that he will snap out of this.
I just don't want to do this anymore. I want to climb in a hole and hide. I don't know why I deserve this again.
Thanks to everyone for listening, I know it's rough to read the same garbage.
