Leaving it up to God (but still interfering!)

[Coly23]

Hello everyone! Thank you so much for your feedback. I must admit I cried when I read your comments . Not because I didn't agree with them but just out of pure frustration and disappointment with myself.

I am really trying hard to move forward without him, I really am. I just feel so confused with what I am supposed to be doing I just keep tying myself up in knots. My mind is like one big knot at the moment!!

Blu I have got angry on occasions but I just can't let it consume me and I worry that it will and that won't be good for me or D. We have shown him on so many occasions that we aren't thinking of him and we are just getting on with our lives. For example Mother's Day H asked D if she wanted help with getting me a present and she said no. Instead we went out for afternoon tea and didn't invite H. Easter we didn't contact him at all and he turned up at our house in the evening with Easter eggs expecting us to be there but we weren't in. Father's Day D didn't want to celebrate it at all so we arranged to go away for the weekend, just the two of us. Then two days before H contacts us and asks if we want to go to lunch but I said we were not around. I am trying.

We have not seen H since D's prom at the end of June and the only reason why I asked him was for D. In all honesty I really didn't think he deserved to be there and me and D actually fell out about it. In the end I invited him through gritted teeth!

Maybe sending that text was a mistake but for some reason i feel a little freer, like another peace of string has been cut. I don't know why but I do. I feel like I have released him and in doing so I have released me. Sorry if that doesn't make sense but it's hard to explain.

As for his stuff. Well I can say hand on heart that he has only ever come by once to get anything. All the clothes he has with him I packed up and gave to him a few days afte BD in anger. When I see him he is not wearing new clothes he is wearing what I gave him last year.

I think I'm going to do what Job suggested and just wait for him to contact me, if he ever does, and then broach the subject of him coming to collect his things. The trouble is there is so much to sort through in the loft and garage, not to mention all his paperwork, maybe that is what is putting him off, I don't know. The funny thing is, at the start of the year he asked if I had a specific shoe box for a pair of limited edition trainers he was selling on eBay. He also had another pair of limited edition trainers he had left behind all boxed up and I took them down to give to him to take away and instead he asked if he could leave them in the house. I should have said no but at the time I was just so confused! When he had the chance to take his things, he doesn't. I just don't get it!

Job, Blu, Own, AP. Thank you all for your comments. I am working on myself but I also still want to save my marriage. That's what I came here for and that's what I'm trying to do but not very successfully! Keep hitting me with these 2x4's and pulling me back to reality, I really need that at the moment!

I'm really going to go back to NC now, I promise!