Newbie - general question & story

[AMartin]

Hi all,

I thought I posted this already, but it isn't showing up. Are all new posts reviewed by the mods before being posted?

I've been married for 25 years, with one 18 year old son who's about to go off to college next month. I'm disabled. I worked in IT for years, and then started having disabling chronic pain. My husband told me in January that he no longer loved me, wasn't attracted to me anymore. He denied having an affair initially. I was devastated, to say the least. I knew things were bad. I was pretty sure he was cheating on me. We hadn't had sex in about 6 months. He came clean about his affair about 2 weeks later. He'd been sleeping with a woman at work. He agreed to break it off and go to counseling. We went for about 4 months. He never did anything the counselor recommended, and has refused to change. I had asked him to be more demonstrative, more romantic. He'd been acting like he was single for months, going out without telling me he was leaving, and generally being insensitive.

He'd cut off sex and affection again recently, and I confronted him on it last night. He said physically it was fine, but there was no emotional connection. I wonder why, when he refuses to rebuild my trust or any real intimacy. I told him I was going to house sit for my friend for a week, that I wanted an answer from him if he had any intention of changing.

My emotions are all over the place. I almost hate him right now, but at the same time I'm desperate for his,love and affection. What do I do?

Amy