I ask myself why is it that people that love each other and have shared The best moments in each others' lives get to the point where they Would want to hurt each other... it's truly ugly. Why would the choice To have an A be a better one than at least a solid attempt at working on And improving those things that are wrong or not working.
depends.
Some affairs are exit affairs for marriages that were on life support and inertia kept them technically married, OR entitled affairs that WAS feels they deserve. That can be due to unmet needs in the marriage that they have expressed and in their hearts they have felt rejected or neglected a long time
and their pain itself was not enough for their h's to change anything...and when temptation comes along and they are vulnerable, it just seems easier to start fresh with someone who makes them feel as they had once felt with their h's...(let alone deal with their h's anger now)...
versus an Entitled affair for a spouse who is selfish and doesn't like having to put other's needs ahead of theirs, (including children), or sees themselves as deserving whatever they want
but they rarely admit^^ they are that self absorbed. They know how it sounds.
So they will justify the affair they "deserve" by tearing down their spouse or revising the marriage into a distorted time of utter misery.
A lot depends on what you knew and when and how you reacted to it, and how you see your w's choices.
Plus, short term "flings" or one night stands are in a very different category, so are affairs that are confessed and when you see true remorse in the spouse who has had an A.
Not sure if I answered your question but I thought I'd give it a try.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
