I also thought you sounded a little "I told you so-ish" and seemed to focus on that ONE thing...
I was focusing on one thing........explaining to others why I suggested the surveillance. So, anyway, enough about all of that.
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I came back at 9:00 (well before our usual bedtime, thinking I could lay claim to the MBR) and she was already asleep, she'd fallen asleep with box of tissues and with her rosary.
I know I am suspicious, but it sounds as if the scene was staged for you to see. She knew perfectly well you cleaned up the MBR b/c you planned sleeping there.
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So I answered her third call. She wanted to know if we were leaving W night to stay over (college is about 2.5 hours away) and I said "yes, S18 will be staying in the dorm, I got a room at the __________ hotel. There are still rooms available if you are going and want to get one for yourself.) Loooooong silence. "Could I just sleep on the floor?" Me: "I dont really want to share a hotel room with you." Silence. Her (kind of meekly): "Umm, okay." More silence "I really wanted to talk to you last night" ME: "I'm not really interested in doing any more talking right now." Her (pushing through): "I wanted to say that I really, really f**ked up big time. I made a phone call yesterday, said i couldn't talk to him anymore... that I needed to figure things out with you." Me: "Okay, is that it?" Her: "Yeah, I.. I'll see you later." Me: "Bye". I kept a level tone of voice the whole time
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I have one word for you. Perfect!
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She was not teary or anything, sounded like maybe she was trying to "joke it off" with the "can I sleep on the floor" comment, and sounded almost cheery (maybe not.. I'm just projecting I think because Im ticked off) when saying she'd called OM, like "this will make it all better". I just kept thinking to myself "really?" It almost sounded like "I can't talk to you until I have gone through some stuff with my husband, but I'll be back" rather than "I can never see or talk to you again." I can only imagine what the conversation actually was. Wouldn't surprise me if it were "Hey, we have to lay off for a few weeks because he's on to us again." No word about her extra phone.
Exactly!
You really did an excellent job in how you should respond. She wants to get off with doing as little as possible to secure the R with you, while maintaining her A. She'll cry, joke, flirt, etc., thinking it's worked in the past to bring you around, so it will work again. Previously, you may have seen those type of actions as some kind of baby steps from her. However, I think you are learning how this is just a con job. She needs to stay in the pursuit mode as long as it takes for her to see that you will not be fooled. When she is convinced, then she can get serious about doing whatever it takes to have a good MR.
This is an example of how to start changing the dynamics in the relationship.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
