My W for years pointed out she wasn't happy (I dismissed it because we always would come back to each other)..but she said I would hate for us to hate each other. I always said that wouldn't happen. But slowly and steadily we both added negativity. And we only see what the other person is doing.
The thing is: I still don't hate her. In fact, I love her more. She in turn seems to do the same thing.
But it is sooooo easy to get into a game where the more we can hurt them because they hurt us becomes a justifiable approach.
This is why counseling is so crucial and especially those sessions where we learn skills depending on specific situations.
Every fight I had with my W. I started it because I wanted to win the argument or wanted her to realize what SHE was doing (I was arrogantly dismissing my own culpability). But every time it would escalate I would sit in a corner extremely upset I let that happen. It seems my W. has similar sentiments but pride, hurt, fear, anxiety, pain etc... all block us in this process.
The only solution is to stop adding to the cycle. And hopefully both (all) sides do the same.
