(My above post was supposed to go on gingers thread. That's why it doesn't make sense!)
On a side note, I went to an IC and we talked about the situation. I decided that to put the anxiety behind me, I will pay the bills so the attorney will send out my paperwork and then discuss and arbitrate within the BAR. I have plenty of time to prepare for that, and by paying the bills I will be in control and have nothing to lose. As opposed to having someone come after me for money.
She validated me by saying that I felt victimized greatly by ex who Who I had every right to trust and was lying about money and that now I am feeling victimized by my lawyers who were supposed to be my advocates, and rightfully so.
She did say I have to stop obsessing, by giving my self only 30 minutes a day tro think about the topic. That way, I am not ignoring it, but consummed by it. I have to train myself to be able to push those thoughts away and focus on something else when they enter my mind.